tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2530451786669304321.post5473884800643018437..comments2023-09-22T08:12:25.535-04:00Comments on THE PRIVILEGED ADDICT : Real World Experience Is EverythingCharliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04183269305957041463noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2530451786669304321.post-6381288232042459972017-09-28T10:40:15.719-04:002017-09-28T10:40:15.719-04:00Charlie, you have helped a lot of people so don...Charlie, you have helped a lot of people so don't let this person bother you. I have dealt with my son's alcoholism for 15 years by showing him love, taking him back, etc., and to no avail. This last time he had a seizure and the hospital treated him without insurance. He went to the Free Medical Clinic in our town and I signed a paper saying I am not responsible for his medical bills but he could live with us for outpatient treatment. My husband didn't want to do this but I said we couldn't turn him out sick. I told him the conditions that I couldn't tell him not to drink again but if he did in our house he was out. He did well for 9 months but quit going to the Free Medical Clinic and eventually started to drink again. I threw him out. I can't live with it. I work with psychologists who tell me I did the right thing but I feel horrible. I am as sick as he is. Your blog has helped me a lot. I called my son and told him to go back to the clinic and we would see what happens but he says he can do it himself. He has a job but I don't know for how long. Your description of an addict fits him exactly. I still worry about what will happen but realize the ball is in his court. anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09838230093510715385noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2530451786669304321.post-39110994628020609642017-09-28T10:36:42.877-04:002017-09-28T10:36:42.877-04:00Charlie, you have helped a lot of people so don...Charlie, you have helped a lot of people so don't let this person bother you. I have dealt with my son's alcoholism for 15 years by showing him love, taking him back, etc., and to no avail. This last time he had a seizure and the hospital treated him without insurance. He went to the Free Medical Clinic in our town and I signed a paper saying I am not responsible for his medical bills but he could live with us for outpatient treatment. My husband didn't want to do this but I said we couldn't turn him out sick. I told him the conditions that I couldn't tell him not to drink again but if he did in our house he was out. He did well for 9 months but quit going to the Free Medical Clinic and eventually started to drink again. I threw him out. I can't live with it. I work with psychologists who tell me I did the right thing but I feel horrible. I am as sick as he is. Your blog has helped me a lot. I called my son and told him to go back to the clinic and we would see what happens but he says he can do it himself. He has a job but I don't know for how long. Your description of an addict fits him exactly. I still worry about what will happen but realize the ball is in his court. anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09838230093510715385noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2530451786669304321.post-46721397424672408312017-09-03T15:59:05.736-04:002017-09-03T15:59:05.736-04:00If addiction is genetic, why am I not an alcoholic...If addiction is genetic, why am I not an alcoholic?<br />I may have the gene but I have strong will power that doesn't allow self destruction and hurting others.<br />I refuse to become a slave of something that I do not want and need.<br />Addicts are cowards and weak, Ego is strong.<br />Full of fear, self centered. immature.<br />Cannot see as multi angular and multi dimensional.<br />They are trapped by their own trap.<br /><br /> <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2530451786669304321.post-50387508822420441692017-07-03T13:17:37.165-04:002017-07-03T13:17:37.165-04:00OK... sorry... it's MB again... my third post ...OK... sorry... it's MB again... my third post in a row! I'm just letting you know, Charlie, how much strength and sanity I have gained from your blog, having just found it only 4 days ago! I'm printing out posts like crazy, creating a type of "book" in their assembly! I've also gotten and read your book in its entirety! It's like my thirst to know and understand is finally getting quenched!!! It's like the 14 years of insanity that I've had with the alcoholic in my life and my co-dependent obsession to try and help/cure/fix/influence his alcoholism as well as our marriage have been calmed by your wisdom and insights! When one hears truth, it rings clear and resonates within! Yes, I am still available to help the alcoholic in my life, but I'm finally feeling like I can actually get a life of my own now too! What a concept! I'm finally feeling like I can maybe/actually/really be able to love the alcoholic in my life without succumbing to the anguished need to "save" him, although I can't deny that the feeling is still there! Anyway, thank you, Charlie! I'm feeling clearer and more stable by the minute... like the mountains of books I've read, and the hours of consulting I've had, and the years of personal development efforts I've done, and the years of pain and failed attempts to 'save' my alcoholic I've endured are all just coalescing and crystalizing right now! You give me strength! Godspeed to us all!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2530451786669304321.post-17253112036471818842017-07-01T13:01:01.831-04:002017-07-01T13:01:01.831-04:00Charlie... I can't stop loving my ex-husband a...Charlie... I can't stop loving my ex-husband and I'm the only one who knows the extent of his alcoholism and the only one willing to "look" at the problem. What advice can you give to those of us who still deeply love our alcoholic and want to help them without falling into co-dependent patterns? If I/we reach out to remind them that we love them, is that "enabling"? If we periodically "tap" on the subject with them, is that "enabling"? I read a post in a different alcoholism blog that said "When you bring up the disease, your are enabling" and yet also said "When you remain silent, you are enabling"! It seems that too many people label EVERYTHING as "enabling"! From your perspective and experience, what are the most helpful things we can do to show our continued love and intentions without enabling the alcoholic/addict OR slipping into co-dependent patterns? With true curiosity and a desire to learn, MBAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2530451786669304321.post-69046344853398414362017-06-30T18:17:33.615-04:002017-06-30T18:17:33.615-04:00It is so helpful to keep getting information on th...It is so helpful to keep getting information on the non-disease model! My mind and heart keep ping-ponging between "disease" and "choice", with enough books and articles to reinforce both sides! I find it a both-and situation! Yet, even with the disease model, recovery still involves - dare I say it - choice! How ironic is THAT? I just divorced my alcoholic husband, but I still love him and always will: deeply!!! I did not divorce him because I no longer love him; I divorced him to protect myself against the consequences of his progressively poor choices! These agonizing decisions and this feeling of helplessness on his behalf are calmed by your words and insights, Charlie, because you offer so much to empower the addict AND those who love them! I'm a believer in the endless capacity of the human spirit, and you breathe so much life into it and the possibilities therein! I just found your blog yesterday and I'm taking every bit of it in, including having just purchased your book! You are helping me get my footing in the pain and wake of the finalization of my divorce [only 2 weeks ago]... and helping me re-rudder myself FOR myself AS WELL AS for my [gulp... "ex"] husband! I'm so grateful for you and everyone who also touches me and teaches me through their posts here! With a very full heart, MBAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2530451786669304321.post-47904871288545904122017-04-22T05:27:47.524-04:002017-04-22T05:27:47.524-04:00I'm dealing with an alcoholic showing serious ...I'm dealing with an alcoholic showing serious decline, mentally and physically at 44 years of age. He's my best friend, my cosmic twin and I always believed our paths crossed because I was either going to help him get well or be the last or only person who genuinely loved him. I recently told him we need to stay away from each other for a while - the situation is too chaotic. I set the boundry and he broke it by trying to call me. I know the drill. I told him I would help him get help and I told him he can take the challenge of a lifetime or take a pass. It's his choice. I know part of what he needs is spiritual guidance and much more than just medical detox. Years ago I attended a support group - Alanon - it wasn't for me. I walked away from it feeling as empty as I walked in. I ended up taking pieces from different spiritual and holistic practices that helped me gain perspective on addiction and was able to move on with my life. I dealt with my own addictions through spiritual and dare I say cosmic inate messages. I believe the channel must be open to receive such gifts. For addicts, the 3rd eye is shut and not seeing what needs to be seen. For my friend, he knows, he's powerless and weakened by years of self-inflicted abuse preceded by years of family chaos. It's a vicious cycle. I told him he lived 1/2 his life in that mess - he can chose to live the other 1/2 free of it. So far, no change. I pray for him. Right now, I'm taking care of me and letting God take care of him and the rest. What will be will be. Jayceehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04225990451436825678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2530451786669304321.post-45593943957794140122017-03-28T13:10:05.690-04:002017-03-28T13:10:05.690-04:00Even if what "Unknown" says is true abou...Even if what "Unknown" says is true about addiction being genetic, it doesn't relieve them of the responsibility to get sober. If my parents were diabetic, I would make sure I limited my weight and sugar intake. How one becomes an addict is less important than what one does once they are. And you, by far, have the best advice on the internet on how to overcome addiction, and how to deal with it as a family member. It's just that many people won't do the hard work, and don't want to hear it.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07662874769903090653noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2530451786669304321.post-9037019484370005632017-03-12T21:00:35.703-04:002017-03-12T21:00:35.703-04:00Charlie, thanks for your perspective with your wri...Charlie, thanks for your perspective with your writings. Reading your blunt but honest perspective has helped me (over time) open my eyes to see the "privelged addict" aspect of addiction. It's a harsh reality but for me, so important to recognize, part of learning to not enable. With this writing in particular, about a very serious subject, I found myself laughing out loud at some of your sarcastically written statements. You make some really good points and as the parent of an an addict who has not yet seen the light and the wife of an alcoholic who got real and got sober eight years ago, I think it's really important to not make excuses. <br /><br />The accepted practice of suboxone is baffling to me and feel like the industry of recovery in general has a whole lot of room for improvement. But then again, maybe that's irrelevant because until a person decides to change, nothing will change anyway. <br /><br />Thank you, Charlie. <br /><br />Jenna MahoneyAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08026605707231839239noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2530451786669304321.post-68296581637537293992017-03-11T12:44:58.121-05:002017-03-11T12:44:58.121-05:00Amen Sir Charles, you speak truth. 100%truth. And ...Amen Sir Charles, you speak truth. 100%truth. And as a recovered addict no longer running from the truth I do testify. For the uninitiated and victim families the b.s. can be deceiving especially when it is sanctioned by the establishment medical and pharmaceutical industry complex. The addicts however know the truth but being the cowards they are will jump on the gravy train. Hopefully with full disability as well. Addicts are leeches. I was offered suboxone "treatment"haha when I was most vulnerable after detox. I almost succumbed, however God was with me. Everything you say is a true and honest assessment. I would say brutally true, but there is nothing brutal about it. "Tough love" is only tough to those being enabled. Let's talk tough and lock addicts in a dungeon for six months and a nice round of cold turkey, instead of coddling them with more drugs. Are you kidding me? Treatment? Like the clean syringe programs. Sanity? (Not to this Ex with hep C))There is as you know one true reality. One true solution. It is moral and spiritual indeed as you always say. There is nothing I can add really to your thoroughness on this subject. I just want to voice my support for your dedication, hard work, and service to humanity. I was fortunate to have someone that cared about me pass "the privileged addict" on to me as I began my recovery journey. Addicts demand 'tough love' it's their only realistic hope and chance to come clean and live a beautiful life on this beautiful earth. Thank you Charlie. I have benefitted greatly from your honest voice in the wilderness. God bless you and your family.Thank you GodDonald Bernsteinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2530451786669304321.post-2387392877869352402017-03-10T20:35:48.347-05:002017-03-10T20:35:48.347-05:00Wow is all I can say Charlie. I am the mother of a...Wow is all I can say Charlie. I am the mother of an addict and read your blog a lot. Sometimes your blunt writing is hard to hear but for the most part I reflect back on the 5 plus years I have been dealing with my son and realize you are correct. Thanks for your insights and keep writing!<br /><br />Christine Lent <br />I don't know how to publish this with my name. ��Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08678454822143919789noreply@blogger.com