tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2530451786669304321.post2003142803586595513..comments2023-09-22T08:12:25.535-04:00Comments on THE PRIVILEGED ADDICT : Elements of a Narcissist & the Victim MentalityCharliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04183269305957041463noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2530451786669304321.post-28761905844029549412018-01-21T12:02:57.958-05:002018-01-21T12:02:57.958-05:00@Matt like Charlie stated here "NO", the...@Matt like Charlie stated here "NO", they are not going to realise it nor self reflect on it.I just got out from a 4 year narc and believe me, we tried all self help materials. Nope, it will not sink in to them. They will never change. Don't waste your time Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12217055760957447186noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2530451786669304321.post-51452541466343672652017-09-17T09:24:43.587-04:002017-09-17T09:24:43.587-04:00Holy cow!! My ex wife is a narcissist. Charlie, my...Holy cow!! My ex wife is a narcissist. Charlie, my ex just came out of rehab and now she thinks she has a PHD in sobriety. She blames me for her drinking but fails to mention that she drank before we met and drank more for the 4 years after the divorce. She has completely gone the selfish route and won't even acknowledge that she caused me and our daughter so much pain. Is it wise to forward this to her and ask her to take a look and maybe it will help her realize that she is messed up or, being a narcissist, will she just ignore it?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08282953389150160287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2530451786669304321.post-25647946714598036752016-02-26T16:56:33.749-05:002016-02-26T16:56:33.749-05:00I refuse to see myself and my sister as victims be...I refuse to see myself and my sister as victims because I don't want to have that mentality, I want us to be victorious. We have been at the brunt of my mothers dramas all of our lives - we are now mid and late 40's. As children we would be the centre of dramas - my mother and father, mother and step father, mother and sisters a continual perpetual round of dramas in which I as the eldest was frequently used as someone who was blamed. My mother would have a drama/falling out and then gain attention from blaming someone else. She is and was cold and un nurturing mother but in her mind it was all ok. She chooses to remember things in a way that are not related to reality. It was emotional and mental abuse on a continual loop. It continues now and she is constantly attention seeking, now she is trying desperately to get my sister and I to fall out. We are aware what is going on, have reflected on her craziness over the years and have decided to end the relationship. I have stopped being the whipped dog who still goes back trying to gain love. Thank god I realise it will never change, it was not all my or my sisters fault even though we always felt at fault. I feel liberated reading the above - so much makes sense! It is hard to walk away - feelings of guilt, unrequited love and to feel at fault, as my mother always intended. But we find strength in knowing that it will never change. Thank you for writing this - I have never shared this before .Victorioushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08151307894583849400noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2530451786669304321.post-2669382571633633562015-12-02T20:40:53.406-05:002015-12-02T20:40:53.406-05:00Thank you so much, Wanda. Thank you for reading an...Thank you so much, Wanda. Thank you for reading and also reaching out and commenting as you do. The new book should be out soon, so hopefully that will also provide some useful advice for those who suffer addicts or alcoholics in their lives ;-)Charliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04183269305957041463noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2530451786669304321.post-5496333224596410172015-11-21T13:54:37.101-05:002015-11-21T13:54:37.101-05:00OHHHHMYGOOOODNESS!!!!!!!
This article SO Nailed it...OHHHHMYGOOOODNESS!!!!!!!<br />This article SO Nailed it!<br />I didn't get the help I needed until I was in my fifties. After a lifetime of being bullied by a list too long to mention here, (close relatives, close friends, ex husband) I sought help. I went from 0 to 17 different self help books, saw a therapist and borrowed more books from him and talked to him about them.<br />Once I learned what was going on, the clock was ticking for a lot of people who had taken it for granted that I was just going to take such bad treatment. After all, I had taken it for so long, maybe to the point where I was made to believe that was acceptable. And I did to other people what was done to me, too.<br />Learning the various methods of emotional manipulation, I now had a "field guide" to identify the "insects" of abusive behavior. And that's what they became! I can't help but think of an episode of Star Trek, where in the end, the alien bullies degenerated into small ugly creatures, that had no power over me anymore. Another analogy, "Wizard of Oz" as in I AM OZ, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE!!!! and the little dog pulls back the curtain, and revealed the nasty little man he really was.<br />Unfortunately very few of these people will get better. Why I'm saying the best thing I did was bail out of the relationship. I stopped missing them and moved on. But it wasn't without some desperate attempts by them to derail me. <br />Things I had to let go of.<br />1. Forget about an apology. It will never happen or it will be fairly filled with hints that it's your fault.<br />2. Enforce strictly boundaries of good behavior. If you meet someone for the first time, and they start out snippy and negative, it's not going to get any better. Get out immediately. I learned this the hard way. Gave 35yrs to an abusive friend, tried to support and understand.<br />3. Stop saying "should" as in, my mother should treat me better, if she loves me as she says.<br />Yeah it hurts bur you gotta get strong and find better people to hang around. It SHOULD be a lot of things, but just isnt. <br />4. Continually do the mental work of expressing yourself in healthy positive ways. It really does work. <br />5. Take good physical care of yourself, and seek happy, peaceful positive things, even when something goes wrong, try to put a good spin on it. It really does work.<br />Thanks for reading, and thank you Charlie for your blog!<br />wandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15229911650280461237noreply@blogger.com