tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2530451786669304321.post1025510626283962250..comments2023-09-22T08:12:25.535-04:00Comments on THE PRIVILEGED ADDICT : Separating Fact from Fiction – Notion That We Are Victims of Addiction Is a MythCharliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04183269305957041463noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2530451786669304321.post-87996143424665802172017-09-27T10:37:19.916-04:002017-09-27T10:37:19.916-04:00Amen! We just kicked our son out after the past th...Amen! We just kicked our son out after the past three years of hell. He had a seizure that almost killed him trying to quit on his own. The hospital worked with him outpatient to stop and we took him back in to help him recover. He went 8 months without drinking but wouldn't go to AA or rehab. He got the bright idea about a month ago that he could be around his friends and not drink. I told him he was dancing with the devil if he did that but did he listen. Hell No! I had told him he could stay as long as he didn't drink and when I caught him he had a million excuses. My husband and I gave him one more chance because we didn't want to mess up his recovery but to no avail. I found him drunk with 8 beer cans in his bed. He had repeatedly told me that he would pay the consequences if he drank so I told him he had hit the wall and to get out. It shocked him because to my chagrin I am his main enabler. He has been out for about three weeks and calls me with horrible things that are happening. He almost lost his job, can't afford the motel, etc. I told him he had better keep the job because the next step was a homeless shelter. He says if he comes back he will be better but I don't believe a word he says anymore. My husband had a cardiac event last week and shouldn't be under stress. I told him that is it, my husband is not going to die of a heart attack because of his alcoholism. I am finally going to go to Alanon. I am as sick as he is because I am weakening and buying his bull. Please pray for me!anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09838230093510715385noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2530451786669304321.post-25718940111929851962017-06-30T16:04:15.417-04:002017-06-30T16:04:15.417-04:00Charlie, thank you for this post. The comment abou...Charlie, thank you for this post. The comment about an alcoholic being angry with you probably means you're trying to save their life made me feel SO much better. You have no idea. I've long thought that the biggest part of the problem in my alcoholics life were the enablers he surrounded himself with. People who I know think they are doing the right thing by moving into his house to ensure he doesn't harm himself; or sitting outside his house all night to ensure he doesn't drive drunk; or running him around to appointments because he's too strung out to get himself there....basically mothering him. They treat him like he's a 5 year old...and he acts that way. Now his new therapist is blaming PTSD. When I asked him once - a couple of years ago - if he thought this might be a factor he was adamant that it wasn't. But now she's suggested it as an excuse (and also the potential source of significant compensation from the military) well, that's what the problem is. Only, there's no real evidence that it is. It astonishes me that the so called 'recovery experts' are just as quick to try and find ANY reason for addiction other than the obvious one - its a spiritual problem. And the way I see things now is that each of those people who attempt to protect my loved one from the effects of his drinking are actually completely disempowering him. And they hasten his journey to the grave. I try to be a voice of reason and lately I've decided that I will no longer tolerate or accept him as an addict. If he wants to communicate with me at all he can get sober first. But I know that since he has all these other people there to protect him there's no reason for him to need me any longer. And our relationship is irrelevant to him. He doesn't see it as any loss at all because I refuse to tell him what he wants to hear. I hold him accountable for his words and actions. And even though I try to do that kindly I'm still metaphorically punched in the face every time. Its taken me a long time to see just how screwed up an addict is. How their entire world view is warped. I've also taken a long time to learn not to listen to his tirades and rants about what a horrible person I am. Although each time it has happened its damaged a little more of my soul. And THAT'S what addicts never understand. They expect that everyone should understand them and their pain....without a second thought to what they do to someone else. And then you have the recovery industry telling you that "its not their fault" or "remember they're sick". NO! Sick is being diagnosed with cancer. Sick is losing a limb. Willfully ingesting poison is not an illness. Its a choice. Every. Single. Time. And so while these people are preaching at us that we need to be "more understanding" they are also telling the addict that it isn't their fault. And meanwhile NOBODY concerns themselves with the collateral damage....i.e. those of us whose lives and hearts have been destroyed by an addict. The only people who should be rewarded and congratulated for surviving are the actual survivors....but that's another thing - when they DO get sober all the focus is on them and how freakin' great they are for staying sober. And so the narcissism goes on and on and on. Its always all about the addict. I think they are people who are attention whores. They want the world to notice them and look after them. And I am SO VERY SICK OF IT. Newsflash to the addicts who may read this: I didn't deserve to have my life upended by an addict. I didn't deserve to have my kindness and love betrayed. I didn't deserve to be ignored, yelled at and treated like a piece of garbage. The irony of all this is that if the addicts were treated in the way that they treat others then they'd REALLY have something to feel bad about. I've had it with all of them and their unrelenting selfishness. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com