Friday, January 20, 2017

Pissing Active Addicts Off Tells Me I'm Doing Something Right


     Lol, check this one out:

     “Charles I used to listen to you like you had it all figured out, but really you’re just an obnoxious, spoiled rich kid that got clean and now looks down on everyone else who struggles to do so. Not everyone has the support that you have (or the means…sure you went to the highest end of rehab’s, pussy), so it’s not as easy for them/us. Stop acting like god and show some understanding. You’re not better than anybody, you’re a piece of shit drug addict just like rest of us. You seemed to have forgotten that b/c you wrote a stupid book and acted in some gay plays. It’s good to give advice, but stop fkn blasting your bullshit down people’s throat like you know you’re right and no one can be. I say “gay plays” b/c you’re on your own dick so hard you make the rest of us sick…” – by James Crawford

     A masterpiece, James. Your folks must be so proud.


     So let me get this straight, your problem is that I don’t have compassion on you? Because it's not easy for you? It's not my job or anybody else's job to have compassion on you. You're an adult now, James, and nobody is obligated to have compassion on you or your drug addiction. Nobody is obligated to hold your hand or give you a blanky. Yes, I decided to grow up and remove some self-hatred and self-pity. Sorry. You need to stop pretending you’re a victim.

     So you're right, James, I don’t have compassion on you. Guess who I have compassion on? My family. Your family. The people I ripped the spirit out of without a care in the world. My comfort was all that mattered because I truly believed that nobody understood what it was like to be me. Nobody knew how tough it was to feel what I felt. Nobody suffered like poor Charlie, just like nobody suffers like James. Sorry but that is nonsense. We are not victims. There are real victims in the world, but you and I are not them. Talk to some limbless children in Aleppo or the mother and daughter in Iran who had their faces mutilated with acid. Gimme a break, James.

     “All figured out?” No, James, I don’t have it all figured out. I’ve never claimed to. Of course, deducing that would require some reading.

     “Looks down on everybody else?” Nope. The only person I look down upon is myself. That’s what got me better, James.

     “Rich kid?” Lol. My father worked every day until he was 52. That was when Raytheon laid him off, after which it soon became apparent his brain was degenerating. They called it early-onset atypical dementia, but regardless of the diagnosis, he died flat broke at 62 under a florescent light in a small, sterile room in a piss-wreaking nursing home with a soiled diaper, rotted teeth and not a spec of dignity to his name. My mother and I have been working full-time ever since to pay our own bills, as well as my sister’s bills, who has learning disabilities. Sure, some of my non-immediate relatives are bright and have worked their butts off to become successful. Many of them served and fought for this country. Do you have a problem with success? Do you have a problem with money? Do you believe you’re entitled to a free job with an exorbitant wage? Do you believe you’re entitled to free tuition, free housing, free food, free everything? If so, I’d like to put you in touch with my 5 year-old for a play date.

     “Highest end rehabs?” I went to one treatment center 12 years ago for about $1800, after which I worked full time as a cook to pay my mother and grandfather back. That isn’t exactly Passages Malibu territory at $92,000 a month. What’s so amusing and hypocritical is that your very complaint is that you yourself want to go to one of these “high end” places, but for what? A tune up? Tune up: hot tub, sauna, steak, a meeting or two, a watered-down NA workbook and maybe even a rub and tug on the final night. That is death for the addict, and that's why I write. I want the opposite of that. I want to suffer. I embrace it now. That is the only difference between me and you.

     By the way, the reason I went to just one rehab is because when I came to understand what I had done to my family. It's because I then located my testicles and did some work, no horrible injustice to level against any suffering addict.

     “Gay plays?” You mean the comedy sketch show I produced, directed, partially wrote and performed in? Sorry for trying to do something creative and have some fun. What, did Dooch & Marco rub you the wrong way?

     “Blasting bullshit down people’s throats?” Lol. Am I in your home group blasting shit down your throat? Nope. I started a blog when I had my first child because I suddenly lost 90% of the time that I once had to drive around and run some group at night, speak somewhere or work with people outside of the home. I was scared of losing the tools that kept me healthy. I started a blog and began writing because I wanted to continue to serve in whatever way I could. I started a blog that you have voluntarily typed into your URL box and freely visited yourself. If you don't like it, go read something else but nobody is forcing you to read this. I don't care what you read or don't read. Am I going to stop because some knucklehead becomes unhinged when he reads a post? Nope.

     “Wrote a stupid book?” Well, at least we can agree that you think books are stupid. Yes, I wrote a book. That’s your problem? Isn’t that what writers do? The book was an attempt to share my experience as well as the process I employed to get better. If that is stupid, I feel sorry for you.

     “Acting like God?” I'll pray for you. There is no such thing as recovery and acting like God, so if I was acting like God, I'd be lit up like a Christmas tree right beside you. It is only active drug addicts, politicians and globalists who act like God. There is only one God, and only one man who was ever born of the Holy Spirit.

     “Obnoxious?” Dude, if this email you wrote isn’t “obnoxious,” I don’t know what is.

     The truth is you know nothing about me. You have no idea how hard I have worked to pull myself out of darkness and away from Satan. You have no idea how hard I’ve worked during my free time to help fellow shitheads. So no offense, but I don't think you should be whining about anything, especially about ho hard it is for you to be jammed all day in an isolated bubble of pleasure while loved ones are left broken, shattered and heartbroken. 

     Compassion? I had compassion on myself and by extension on my mom and family. Do you believe your experience is somehow novel or unique to mine, that I have it easy, that I don’t also struggle, that I haven’t also been down, miserable, anxious, depressed, scared, vulnerable and filled with doubt? There is no difference between me and you as addicts except that I’m just a tad less of a “p***y,” and I’m not quite as verbally abusive to people I don’t know from a hole in the wall.

     I will do anything to get better and stay sober. Will you? Are you serving your family, your fellow addicts and the rest of the world by acting like a thug?

     This comment by a friend on an old post entitled “Never too Early” sums it up perfectly. I hate to even elaborate because it was delivered with such perfection. He writes,

     “I’ve got a progressive chronic and fatal illness but I can wait til I’m ready to find the solution! How many cancer patients say that?”

     Wow.

     The comment speaks for itself and should be presented without comment, but hey, since I’m so obnoxious, let’s comment anyway.

     What right do we have to complain about not having the guts to change when the “disease” in question is one we gave to ourselves by our own selfishness? Boredom is too much for us to handle? Some human discomfort is too much for us to handle? Frustration, disappointment and irritability is too much? Failing at this or that is too much? Somebody offended or humbled us and we have to become a full blown drug addict because of it? Gimme a break. Yes, I was a piece of shit drug addict, but that doesn’t change the truth that all of us simply refuse to become adults. Everybody feels the way we do, James. Everybody. 

     Addiction is wholly different from other non self-inflicted diseases, so no, we don’t deserve the same treatment. And does the sick adult man with a solution laid at his feet wait to employ it and get better? You should run, not walk towards the solution, forget about refusing to walk towards it at all. Sorry buddy, it’s gonna be painful. Life is painful. Get used to it. More importantly, we have no excuse not to recover when we leave a voluntary trail of heartbroken victims in our wake. 

     I had to do the same as anybody and take the pacifier out of my mouth. I had to start hearing what I didn’t want to hear and start doing what I didn’t want to do. And by now you may have deduced that I only generally care about addicts I don’t know to the extent that they get better in order to give peace to their loved ones and to find God, such that they may serve Him and and get on the right side of the trade, as it were. So the fact that I piss whiny addicts off but continue to receive letters of gratitude from parents and spouses tell me I’m doing something right… and if it’s not right, at least it’s moderately useful.

     Say anything you like about me, but at the end of the day, are you useful?

1 comment:

  1. charlie...you are the absolute best! I am 3 weeks into recovering from my 8 year relationship with a severe alcoholic. Finally had him removed from the house after his 4th relapse. 3 weeks ago he came home very intoxicated while I had a 73 year old handyman replacing my furnace thermostat...my partner beat the heck out of the guy because he said we were having an affair...delusional alcholic jealousy. It was the last straw. I really love how you can verbalize the torment the enabler goes through and guidance on how to stop enabling. I just ordered your book. Thanks for this site. Gaylinn

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