Saturday, January 14, 2017

"It Takes Much More Than Just Being Sober to Recover"


Comment:

     I want to thank you for your honesty. I truly believe that it takes much more than just being sober to recover. You have helped so many family members gain insight into the addict . This insight allows us to stop the enabling. If one thing is true – the addict does not care about anything except their addiction. I suffered a silent heart attack in the midst of some of my addict’s drama last weekend. He has not even asked if I am okay. Instead he said we were terrible parents, that his son will hate us forever and that if we come to his house he will have us arrested. Why all this drama? Because we insisted he could not just take his son without being drug tested. In the end I am no longer talking to him. I told him in a text that I am done. So I am in day 9 of my withdrawal from his insanity. Thank you again for sharing your life. May God bless you and your family.

Response:


     Thank you for reaching out and God bless you. I have been touched and affected by this comment, and I’m thinking about you and praying. I will also pray for your son tonight during my prayers, that he in fact becomes even more hopeless as a means of breaking through the delusion and the great wall of denial, as a means of seeing some self-truth deep within, and most important of all, to see the terror of the abyss below and come face to face with a fear that might propel him to reach out with everything he has and grab onto the spiritual solution. If only we could feel the effects of our actions and reactions…

     The insanity of addiction is that reason and (real) love is met with insanity, chaos and drama. This is how we lay the bridge for others to cross into our deranged worlds… and yes, it is indeed heartbreaking. That said, what you are doing necessitates great courage, strength and faith. And yes, engaging with insanity does not serve anyone. We can never go wrong with what our gut tells us is the right, responsible and sane thing. We can never go wrong with what our deep, God-given wisdom and intuition tells us to do (namely protect your grandchildren etc).

     I hope you are feeling better and remain in good health.

2 comments:

  1. I can relate to this person so much. While I've never suffered an actual heart attack (I can't even imagine that) I have been ill at times, financially put to the wall, emotionally so distraught I wanted to die and through it all my addict was oblivious. Always only pointing out how things in our family are unfair or wrecking cars, getting kicked out of apts, rehabs, sober living. All this comes at such a high financial cost and many physical and emotional ones too. And yet he never sees ANY of that. It's always about him. He's either on a hard-core bender destroying everything in his path or stuck in a pity party. Oh this disease will kill us both. I admire anonymous and pray for their family. I want them to be strong and get their lives back. I want this for me too and all who suffer with this disease. Thank you for your blog.

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  2. I see my son in both of the posters-the selfishness, the victim mentality. To the original poster, I'm glad you have your grandson. We were not so lucky. We tried to get temporary custody to protect our young granddaughter, but were unsuccessful. Thus, she lives with her addict mom and our addict son and we have no contact by our own choice. Our son occasionally reaches out to reestablish ties, but it is evident to us that there is a hidden agenda. We know that he is still not on a positive path. He is on methadone and claims that he is "sober," but we know he has used in the past on top of the methadone and the fact is, he still doesn't have a job (he "claims to be a "stay-at-home dad) nor has he paid off his traffic tickets from 3 years ago so he still has no driver's license. We will know that he has really changed when he contacts us to apologize for his disrespect, the stealing of our belongings and for taking advantage of our desire to guide him to a better path in life.
    A book that has help me greatly is "Jesus Calling." It is a daily devotional but written in lay-men's words. I read it every morning to remind me that God is there. I know He wants a connection with my son even more than I do, so I trust that He's working on the situation. I'm not going to say that life is easy now, but it is easier.
    I pray for all of you, that you will keep the faith and be strong and that your loved ones won't be long in re-establishing their connections to their Higher Power.

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