Thursday, April 28, 2016
I'm a therapist and work with addicts. What brought me to this population, as I was previously wanting to work with couples and marriages, was the failure of my own relationship with an alcoholic. I have never in my life been through so much pain before. We were together ... years; he was sober most of the time. He was going to meetings; sponsor; etc. I moved in and we got married... months after we married he relapsed and kicked me out. He had started taking adderall and I knew a relapse was around the corner. [That's] when he decided he wanted me gone; He became horribly
mean; calling me vile names and telling me he didn't love me or want me anymore. This was a year ago... It killed my entire family.
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
A friend of mine just texted me to share how tremendously relieved he was to know that he was in no way a selfish, dope fiend alcoholic, but just a sweet little boy with a "substance abuse disorder". I wrote back at once to further reassure him.
"Ya bro, you didn't know?! It's not your fault, man... you just happened to catch a 'substance abuse disorder' as it was flying through the air."
Again, he was relieved.
Thursday, April 21, 2016
|Don't let your sponsee whine. He is not a child anymore.|
Talking is NOT a solution.
I once had a sponsee who was sort of a microcosm of the modern, fuffy (toothless) sponsor/sponsee relationship. That is, he considered sponsorship to be an opportunity to engage in all-out, daily woe-dumping sessions. It was really just free 'pity pot' therapy, but with the sponsor you don't have to pay for your friend. He was ultimately shocked and heartbroken by the ruthless, coldhearted notion thought that I didn't want to pick up the phone at all hours of the day and night and endure endless whining and complaining about every minor discomfort and disappointment known to mankind.
Friday, April 1, 2016
HAND OF GOD
The Privileged Addict, Copyright 2012
It was the middle of a moonlit night in the chapel up North. My body told me when I was finished meditating. I sat down for a few minutes. A feeling of certainty calmed me. I was ready. I knelt down on my knees and opened up the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous to page 76 and read the 7th Step prayer out loud.
“My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.” Alcoholics Anonymous, 76.
As I finished reading the prayer, an unexplainable miracle occurred. The instant I was done, something rushed through my body. Something wonderful. I laughed and cried simultaneously. It was strange. Some force immediately took over my body and mind, controlling me for some time. Then a volcanic feeling of relief and rapture pervaded my entire being. I remember thinking, Holy shit. It worked! I felt it in every cell.
Anybody Can Take Steps (Copyright, 2015), pp.45-55:
(Also see Chapters 1 & 2)
(Also see Chapters 1 & 2)
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Sounds great, but how exactly do I turn myself over to God? What does that even mean? For now, let us consider this Step to be a vow – a promise to ourselves, to others and to our Higher Power to grow along spiritual lines and to repel anything that prevents us from doing so. On a practical level, we are vowing to cultivate and expand our conscience, and then never to ignore it. As well, we are not going to consciously erect any walls between us and our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health.
From How It Works, Alcoholics Anonymous, pp.58-63:
“Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.