Tuesday, May 31, 2016
Addicts think that simply being human makes it appropriate to use drugs...
We addicts somehow believe that our experience is novel. We believe that NOBODY suffers quite like we do, that nobody feels depression and despair and dissatisfaction the way we do. We believe ourselves to be special and unique and different from everybody else, even other addicts. Believe it or not, I actually believed there wasn't a single soul who understood or felt what I felt, that I somehow had it the worst...
Sunday, May 29, 2016
Before we get started, I'd like to offer you a link to a post by my amazing friend, Janet. She writes a beautiful blog and recently posted about our constant exposure to chemicals and several ways to detox our homes. She opens by accurately correlating the explosion in cancer and other illnesses to the onslaught of chemical use/exposure, followed by the shocking treatment of wheat harvests in America. She writes,
"Common wheat harvest protocol in the United States is to drench the wheat fields with Roundup several days before the combine harvesters work through the fields as the practice allows for an earlier, easier and bigger harvest."
Janet's blog is called, The Gardener's Cottage, loved and followed by many, and the specific post about chemicals is: Detoxing my home.
So we should now be subsidized simply for being human?
at May 29, 2016
Saturday, May 28, 2016
WHY ADDICTS CAN'T STAY SOBER
January 23, 2013
1) The mental obsession. A mere sober addict is still completely insane and subject to relapse. Sober-only addicts will experience thoughts to drink or use that do not respond to ration or reason. We can, however, remove this obsession through spiritual action and achieve lifelong sobriety, free from the danger of relapse. But if we don't change, if we don't restore ourselves to sanity and re-acquire the power of choice, we have no chance in hell.
at May 28, 2016
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
Hi Charlie, how do you pray for others? It's not that I don't believe in God but it seems that prayers for my daughter and myself are missing something. I don't feel the connection to God. Is it the same prayer so you can connect more deeply? Is it just anything that comes to your mind? I feel numb after dealing with my daughter's addiction for the last 14 years.
Dear Charlie, I have been married to a recovering alcoholic for 12 years, together for 22 years. When we have been to couples counseling he always gets pats on the back for his alcohol recovery. 6 months ago it came out in a terrible way that he has been using the internet for porn, cyber sex, chatroom sex, phone sex. He had an affair with a coworker to boot. I will spare you the details- but the cyber stuff has been on and off for our whole marriage. The dishonesty is stunning and devastating. His behavior looks like addiction, acts like addiction and has no moral compass like addiction. He wants to do couples therapy. He has convinced his counselor that this is relationship problem. We've done this before - and clearly it didn't change anything-- it all got worse. From my point he behaves like an addict and I don't want to do couples therapy unless he is in recovery- like you write- with his actions. I am not sure if I can reconcile with him or if I want to but I do want to forgive him. I admire Desmond Tutu's approach to forgiveness- and I like how you are a hard ass about action. Do you have any thoughts or writing on sex addiction and recovery in the context of other addictions? Thank you so much for your strong voice in this field.
Thursday, May 19, 2016
1) Action begets more action.
I often feel suffocated by the increasingly clueless establishment view of addiction and recovery. This is why it's good to unplug once in a while and take extended breaks from media etc., especially when it seems everything is scripted in some way to promote a bias that often benefits the messenger or his friends and is destructive to its recipients. At any rate, there is always some new 'cutting edge' approach to addiction, some new miracle drug (oxymoron), some new epiphany that will explain everything and finally fix every addict in the world. Most of the stuff people send me actually gives me a headache. I've stated previously that the scientific credo known as Ockham's Razor (among competing hypotheses, the one with the fewest assumptions should be selected) is now constantly violated. The point is that recovery is very simple, and the secret is really no secret at all. It's called:
at May 19, 2016
Monday, May 16, 2016
Took some screenshots for you throughout the week (privileged addict searches omitted). Is anyone out there really going to keep up with the farce that addicts are not morally challenged? Selfishness at the expense of others is a moral failure. Continuing to use once we lose control is a moral failure. I think it's time to admit what is so glaringly obvious. Hey, don't take my word for it, listen to the people. See for yourself...
In "Get an Addict Better," I tried to lay out some macro-incentive for addicts to recover, above and beyond the built-in incentive we have to stop hurting those who love us, especially our parents. At any rate, the post "Why Alcoholics Hurt People" is well read and has become a comment forum for many to express grievances, many of which I'm sure are justified and somewhat rational. However, let's look at some recent comments from both an alcoholic and a codependent... and then my reply. I don't usually reply on that post because there is really no point. Many simply come to read the comments, go off a bit and then take off, but today I felt as though I should chime in briefly for what is hopefully an appropriate interference.
Saturday, May 14, 2016
This is a theological question! From reading your blog I sense you are a Christian?
Well, most of my personal theology comes from what I learned in the the 12 Steps. I consider myself a Christian and so I have in the past few years taken to attending bible studies at both very liberal but also conservative churches. Trying to cover all bases in my research.
So here's where I get tripped up. I keep running into the concept of predestination, or also referred to as Election. That it is to say that by grace alone that we are saved. Only some are chosen and actions seems to have little merit. However, from my 12 step readings I could never accept that view. Faith in action is all important!
at May 14, 2016
Friday, May 13, 2016
Comment from "Why the Steps Work":
"It's been 9 years of methadone and then suboxone treatment for my daughter. You might think that would make her somewhat functional, so why is it that she is in the same place she was when she used heroin...absolute dysfunction?"
Finally, someone who gets it. Any addict on methadone or suboxone has accomplished zero from point A to point B. Trust me, there are no grey areas. If the addict is still using, he or she is still 100% chained to addiction, enslaved by the mental obsession and committed to the addict mind and heart. How is it not obvious that when you give an addict methadone or suboxone, you perpetuate everything that makes an addict, an addict?
at May 13, 2016
We speak of fundamental change for the addict who seeks to get better. The Big Book refers to this as an "entire psychic cha...
Sadly, people who find this blog often type in the search phrase, ' why do alcoholics hurt us? ', which results in an olde...
"Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices." Translation: People can't keep us sober or fix us. That is, no...
* Have poor or no memory of events. Narcissists will rip you apart at the seams and then have little to no recollection of th...