Don't Let Your Sponsee Whine

Don't let your sponsee whine. He is not a child anymore.
     Talking is NOT a solution.    

     I once had a sponsee who was sort of a microcosm of the modern, fuffy (toothless) sponsor/sponsee relationship. That is, he considered sponsorship to be an opportunity to engage in all-out, daily woe-dumping sessions. It was really just free 'pity pot' therapy, but with the sponsor you don't have to pay for your friend. He was ultimately shocked and heartbroken by the ruthless, coldhearted notion thought that I didn't want to pick up the phone at all hours of the day and night and endure endless whining and complaining about every minor discomfort and disappointment known to mankind.


     Sorry, but how is a sponsor doing a sponsee a favor by allowing him to think that his feelings are important or have any relevance to him getting better? I've written at length about how the new-age therapeutic model of hyper self-focus is precisely what the addict doesn't need. What makes an addict an addict is his or her delusional and destructive belief that their suffering is somehow unique from the rest of the human race, that our feelings are OH SO important. Therapy perpetuates the isolation of an addict by validating and empowering our warped and over-inflated sense of self. Therapy actually perpetuates addiction.

     It is precisely this mainstream, 'every kid gets a trophy and a hug' approach that is keeping addicts sick. Needless to say, addicts are not children and do not need trophies anymore. 

     Instead, we need to be told that our feelings and thoughts really don't matter, because they don't. Nor do they have much to do with getting better. The trick is actually to stop focusing on oneself so much and stop talking so much. As a sponsor, it is a complete disservice to give you a platform to flood about your life. As an addict who has failed endlessly and finally succeeded, let me tell you that the trick is to do quite the opposite: shut up and walk through it. All of it. Then watch it dissipate and lose power over you as you become a strong, mature, responsible adult.

     Sorry, but addicts are not hopeless zombies that need to be medicated. We are not screwed forever. Anybody can recover. Those who don't, won't. Think about that and compare it to what the clinician told you about our so-called 'disease' and how we need to be medicated for life. Nonsense. That is just pharmaceutical propaganda designed to lure doctors and addicts to stop working and get subsidized.

     But hey, I guess this is what you we've been reduced to in the whiny, entitled, everything is offensive, micro-aggressions actually exist (lol), you're violating my safe space, nanny state of America ;-) Why worry about pulling the cart when you are now actively encouraged to jump in it? In fact, why worry about doing anything as success and work are now punished, while failure and insecurity are now rewarded? Care to take a stab at why this message is now being pumped so profusely? The answer is as obvious as the truth about the message.

     PS I've decided that I am now offended by my own post for discriminating against being offended, which is not only offensive, but quite frankly traumatizing. I'm traumatized. It may take me a while to recover from myself, especially since I can't kick my own self out of my safe space. Advice? And then what happens when I'm appalled by being appalled?  


  1. Hi Charlie, well said. I say what I read on your blog to my daughter (medicated on Suboxone and Adderall and don't forget Alcohol, homeless, not interested in working at all) and guess what? Somehow she doesn't shut me off but listens without the usual and defensive I don't want to talk about it.


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