Friday, August 28, 2015

Book: The Privileged Addict Quotes

     Below is the cover to a new book, The Privileged Addict Quotes, which contains over 120 pages of insights and knowledge from years of writing about addiction and recovery, including some new quotes and passages. I hope you will find this useful personally or as maybe an anti-bullshit gift to an addict, alcoholic, spouse, parent or friend in your life. The book will be out on Amazon, iTunes, Barnes & Nobles and everywhere else shortly. For now, clicking on the image below will take you to my Lulu spotlight page where you can pick it up. Following the book cover, I have pasted the back cover caption for you to take a look at. 

     By the way, the other book I'm working on, Anybody Can Take Steps, will be out this fall. The book will universalize and break down the Step process for anybody, addict or not. It will describe and detail the incredible actions and tools contained within the Steps in an effort to help people better understand and utilize this process and its great wisdom. Finally, the Twelve Steps are simply one of many ways to grow spiritually, and I have used the subject in this book to segue into timeless wisdom that we can use to free us, calm us, and bring us peace and prosperity, both within and without.

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/capeabody3

“Recovery is not a function of time. It is a function of
what actions we take and at what frequency we take them.” 
   

To truly understand addiction and recovery, we must step outside the box of the status quo and challenge conventional wisdom. We must look deep within and challenge ourselves. We must observe reality and see things as they are. Addiction and alcoholism will contort and confuse the mind of not only an addict, but a sane loved one just the same, so this collection of ideas, concepts, passages and quotes from my years of writing about addiction is for both fellow addicts/alcoholics and the countless loved ones out there who have stuck by us and loved us unconditionally while we remained preoccupied with ourselves and our comfort.
    
     This book will help take what is a dark and painful subject and shine a light on it. Needless to say, these are just words on a page and can never be equated with pure action. We must not simply read but must work hard if we are to effect real and lasting change, if we are to build an inner reservoir of peace and strength, if we are to achieve escape velocity and enter a new world of freedom. Please share this book with those in need, and may these words find use wherever they land. Thank you.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

My Daughter Hasn't Made All of Her Amends. This Concerns Me.

Comment: 

My daughter has made amends to some, but not all. This concerns me. 

Response:
 

Yes, that should concern you. Rarely, if ever, have I seen anyone be successful without making all of their amends. This step in particular is what separates the men from the boys [and the women from the girls]. It is where we find courage and begin to give back. For me, completing all of my amends was absolutely essential and paramount to building a solid foundation. I wouldn't be who or where I am today if I left some of them out. I will pray she finds the willingness to complete them and continue her spiritual growth. 

*

From August 5, 2012

     Someone once asked me about one of her amends. I told her she needed to make it. She said,

    "But this f'ing bitch was way more of an f'ing bitch than I was."

      First of all, wanh, wanh, wanh... do you want a pity-pot to cry in? I didn't say that, although it would have been a good idea. I told her to first pray for this person until she no longer cares about what she did. She said, 

     "I will never pray for her other than to pray she rots in hell."

     Oh, okay. So then why the hell are you asking me for advice when you aren't really serious about getting better? Why bother doing any amends at all if you're going to leave out the ones where someone else wronged you too? I told her that she is not willing to go to any lengths to get better and that ultimately she will relapse. And she did. Two weeks later.

     99.9% = 0%.

     If we plan on recovering from alcoholism and addiction, we must give 100% and we must never leave anything out. Sure others are flawed, but it's not about them. If someone has wronged us but we owe them an amends as well, we better make it and not expect a single thing in return.

     So why do we have to make ALL of our amends, other than because we have wronged others and it's the right thing to do? We make them because if we don't, we will drink again. If we cannot swallow our pride and make an amends to someone who has also wronged us, we have no business in the Steps. Once we take that 3rd Step and make a pact with God, we are entering mystical territory. At that point, if we walk away, bad things will happen. Trust me. I see it all the time.

God, please give me the power, strength and willingness to make all my amends, and to continue making amends if and when I hurt others going forward...

Monday, August 24, 2015

Physical vs Mental Powerlessness

     To avoid confusion, we must distinguish between mental and physical powerlessness...

     To put it simply, we are physically powerless once we start drinking or using drugs and they enter our system. Addicts and alcoholics are physically powerless for LIFE and will experience the phenomenon of craving (a physical event) every time we drink or use. There is no getting around our physical powerlessness. You can turn a non-addict into an addict, but there is no turning an addict back into a non-addict, physically speaking. Recovery groups who preach the idea of future moderate use for true addicts and alcoholics are completely insane.

     Active addicts and alcoholics, as well as sober yet untreated addicts and alcoholics, are mentally powerless until they have regained the power of choice, i.e. their willpower. When we get sober, we continue to suffer from what's known as the "mental obsession", which refers to thoughts or ideas (about drinking or using) that do not respond to ration or reason. In other words, the addicted mind is insane, and remains that way until it is restored through consistent right action and enough spiritual growth to induce a fundamental psychic change whereby guiding principles, beliefs, attitudes and behaviors that have haunted and driven us for all of these years are suddenly cast aside and an entirely new set of principles and motivation is adopted.

     The point is that we die physically powerless. Our bodies are forever broken once we break them. We call this the "allergy" to drugs and alcohol, and by the way, it crosses all lines. There is no, I'm just an alcoholic but I'm not addicted to my wife's benzos or I just love dope but I'm def not a cocaine addict yo... I could do cocaine all day long, son. Oh, okay.

     So we can never safely use again, and guess what? That's a GOOD thing. Knowing we are physically powerless keeps us sober. Also, why would we need to drink or use moderately? Are you missing out on something? If we enlarge our spiritual lives and begin to experience the magic of this new way of life, who gives a shit about missing out on recreational drinking at some dinner party? Personally, I'd much rather have the life I have now and the incredible journey I'm on now more than sailing through the world as some mundane zombie.

    So while physical powerlessness is a permanent condition, mental powerlessness is (potentially) but a temporary condition. That is, one can go from being mentally powerless to regaining mental power (or willpower) over drugs and alcohol. And once that is achieved and maintained, the body of an addict is irrelevant. This is why addressing the physical aspect of addiction is such a useless and ridiculous endeavor, but hey, do whatever you want, I guess.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Book Update & Old Inventory Post

     This old post got tons of hits yesterday for some reason... and since I also managed to receive an $850 home cheepo bill in the mail, here you go. By the way, sorry about the slight delay in the release of "The Privileged Addict Quotes". I do all of the interior and cover design myself, so I've been waiting for a hard copy to come in and then I can approve it. Should be out this week, for sure. As well, I've had considerably more time lately to work on "Anybody Can Take Steps", so that one should be done by early to mid-fall and it looks good. It will not only universalize and break down the Step process for non-addicts, but it will also help addicts and alcoholics better understand this process in simple, straightforward language.

*


     "A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke... We did the exact same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced of self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations." -Alcoholics Anonymous, p.64.

     Gee, I'm glad I didn't listen to the guy who ran the Beverly Farms meeting years ago when he stood up from his seat in a fit of rage after I mentioned inventory and the above passage and constructed the following bit of eloquence, give or take. "Listen, I run a friggin' business and lemme tell you, no friggin' God and no friggin' spiritual Big Book step bullshit keeps me sobah! It's this friggin' meetin' and you friggin' guys that keeps me sobah!"

     Um, I know AA is self-governing but I have a hunch that's not the best advice.

     "Resentment is the 'number one' offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have not only been mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically." - Ibid., also p.64.

     And the above is why I don't go to meetings. Why add to the already steady accumulation of resentments? Plus, it was Alcoholics Anonymous that saved my life, a program which bears little to no resemblance to what takes place in some of these meetings.

Home Depot Inventory

1st Column (Who): Moron at Home Depot

2nd Column (Cause): a) Never cut my carpet after I ordered it, then forgot and sold the last of it to someone else.

3rd Column (Affects my...): Pride/Ambition, Self-Esteem, Wallet

4th Column (False Thinking, Truth):
Self-Seeking: I am the man. No one messes with me.
Selfish: I want my carpet when I want my carpet.
Dishonest: I make, and want to be forgiven for, my own human errors yet judge everybody else for theirs. (i.e. I know it wasn't intentional.)
Fear: I fear looking bad to our new tenants. Afraid to let go, forgive.

God, forgive me for my sins, for being unloving and verbally abusive, for being intolerant and judgmental, for not forgiving and giving others the benefit of the doubt. Help me to see my character flaws, that I may rid myself of them and replace them instead with Your principles...

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Don't Make War with Yourself

      When we say that we are to rid ourselves of spiritual poisons such as selfishness, dishonesty, fear and so forth, that doesn't mean we advocate making war with who we are. To let go and move on we must accept. We don't fight against ourselves and what we find within, however disturbing it may be. Sure we need to understand the effect this stuff has on self and others, but we must also treat it with some respect as it is inside of us and therefore has become part of us.

     So we seek to rid ourselves of various forms of emotional and behavioral garbage, but to do this we don't engage in self-loathing, self-hatred or self-pity. Sit down next to it and befriend it all... and then let it go. Take some time everyday to be quiet, breathe, and let what needs to come up, come up. Pray for God to teach you how to let the darkness go and replace it with love, strength, honesty, courage, patience, tolerance, willingness, humility and service.

      Trust me, I have to pray and remind myself everyday to better love and accept who I am and what's inside of me so that I may better love and accept others. It seems like a contradiction when I say we must be tough on ourselves, but it's really not. We must both be tough and not tough. Do you see? By tough, we mean that we have to be brutally honest with ourselves and work hard to change and grow. By not tough, we mean that resisting and fighting against what is happening and what lies within often just fuels and prolongs it.

     There is balance to everything. Yes we nourish ourselves, but we don't over-nourish. For addicts and alcoholics, you should have a feeling in your gut which tells you what is right and what is wrong, or rather, what you need to do or need to stop doing. So just listen to that because it is God trying to help you. And if you don't have that feeling, that sense of what is healthy and what is not, then there is something wrong with your program. Go back to the beginning, find someone who is truly okay and has what you want, and then give everything you have to the Steps as they are laid out in the Big Book.

     If you make changing the single most important thing in your life, you will change. If you make your emotional and spiritual growth the most important thing in your life, you will heal emotionally and spiritually. Put this first, put God first, because if you don't, you won't make it. If you don't, you will never give back all that you have taken. So go for it. Be completely and utterly fearless, thorough, honest and willing. 

Friday, August 7, 2015

"The Privileged Addict Quotes" - Release Coming Soon

     So I've been working on "Anybody Can Take Steps" now since December and unfortunately, my current workload confines me to about half a day every week to work on it. The point is I'll need a few more months to edit it properly and make sure it's worthy of release, even if it is just self-published child's play. But to make up for the delay, I will soon be releasing "The Privileged Addict Quotes".

     See for yourself. Below is a selection from the book. Keep in mind the book contains extensive passages and new stuff you cannot find in the blog. If you enjoy this or find it useful, pick up the book and tell your friends about it. Or if you have an agent or publisher friend who doesn't mind publishing words that tend to challenge the status quo drivel, let me know and I'll send them copies of The Privileged Addict, The Privileged Addict Quotes & Anybody Can Take Steps.

     Finally, I'll also be releasing The Privileged Addict Prayers in the Spring of 2016. Just remember that written work is just that, words on a page, and can never be equated with pure action. We must not simply read but must work hard if we are to recover and effect real and lasting change. Thank you.

*

From, The Privileged Addict Quotes, Copyright 2015.

 "Recovery is not a function of time. It is a function of what actions we take and at what frequency we take them."

"Becoming recovered from alcoholism or drug addiction is not an accomplishment, it is our responsibility."
 

"Resentments are like acid to the seeing eye. They burn and blind us so that we cannot see clearly."

"We make amends for the object of our amends, not to clear our conscience."

"When I get out of my own way, what fills the space is God's will."

"Why should we reward ourselves with sobriety chips just because we stopped hurting other people?"
 

"The absence of Self is to the benefit of anyone, addict or non-addict."
 

"It's useless to study or understand the 1st Step intellectually. We must feel powerless in our hearts, our guts, our cells."
 

"Alcoholism is not a function of when you drink, it is a function of how you drink."
 

"Drug addicts should be roasted and humbled beyond belief, and then built back together one spiritual brick at a time."

"Our problem isn't really drugs and alcohol, but what happens to us in their absence."

"If we have the capacity for honesty, we have the seed of God within, and we can nourish that seed into a fountain of strength."

"The AA slogan 'Just Don't Drink' contradicts the 1st Step of Alcoholics Anonymous."

"Spirituality isn't about trying to achieve constant rapture. It's about facing reality and being human."

"The only healthy fear is the fear of doing wrong."
 

"What matters is what you do, not how you feel or what you believe." 

"There is no access to God without the absence of drugs and alcohol."

"If we could do anything on our own power, we probably wouldn't be full blown drug addicts now, would we?"

"Doctors too often engage in status quo treatment, prescribing pills and therapy, but what could be more contrary to a solution for drug addicts than more drugs and more talking?"

"If calling someone when you want to drink can prevent you from drinking then celebrate because you're not an alcoholic! Alcoholics, on the other hand, have lost the power of choice."
 

"Like a fool, when I see my own flaws in others, I loathe it in them and excuse it in myself."

"If happiness lies in the ability to enjoy less, than being an addict is the precise opposite of such a condition."
 

"It's okay to suffer. It's not gonna kill you. It's called Life on Earth."

"The secret to getting better is so simple it hurts: Repeated action."
 

"Whether direct or indirect, service is a recipe for inner peace and outer abundance whereas selfishness is a recipe for outer failure and inner chaos."
 

"Sure addiction is an illness, but it is a self-created one."

"Physical sobriety alone is but a temporary state of purgatory (selfishness) between relapses."

"Power is the heroin of the psychopath. Heroin is for cowards, but power is for confident, narcissistic psychopaths who worship only themselves and refuse to bow before anything, especially God."

"No psychiatrist will disagree with you if you walk in and tell them you have a problem."

"That feeling everybody flashes like a badge of honor in AA meetings about never fitting in, never feeling a part of the world, never feeling connected, well, um, we all have that. It's called being human."

"There are those who give their whole lives to God and those who don't. Those who don't, fail."

"Our existence is determined not simply by God's spiritual intelligence but by each and every thought, word and action of our own. We are literally shaping our reality, and more importantly, the world we leave behind."

"Nothing makes us want to use."

"Do what you fear and that which you fear loses power."

"No offense, but if you still want to drink or use, have thoughts about drinking or using, or still suffer quite a bit, then there is something wrong with your program."

"Trust me, if we get better and build lives for ourselves, we shouldn't pat ourselves on the back. We didn't do it. God did."

"If we want to recover, we can no longer deny what life is and cower from the way things are. Instead we must stand in harmony with reality."

"The quality of our recovery is directly proportional to the amount of action we take. So the better we want to get and the better we want to feel, the more action we will take."

"Doctors and counselors will tell you that you relapsed because you were triggered. Wrong! You relapsed because you were doing the wrong thing."

"When an addict becomes willing to let go, he can then touch divinity. At that point, anything is possible."

"Addiction/alcoholism is simply a natural extension of a preexisting spiritual condition."

"We must give up everything we think we need in order to truly be okay."

"Hitting bottom occurs when we can no longer lie to ourselves. Getting better occurs when we can no longer lie to others."

"The reward in not being an addict is not being an addict."

"Who and what we are is the sum of what we do. We do not talk or study or pill-pop our way into recovery. We act our way in."

"Relapse is NOT part of recovery. That's the whole point of recovery. You don't relapse. This sort of waiting room wisdom is exactly the kind of nonsense I had to toss out of the window in order to recover from addiction. Many people don't understand that clich├ęs and catch phrases like this are designed by treatment centers, treatment professionals and pharmaceutical companies to peddle products and services to addicts and their families."

"The term 'miracle drug' is an oxymoron, as miracles only occur in the absence of drugs.

"Drugs, regardless of class, are the antithesis of the spiritual life. True spirituality is about facing reality and living in it. To make an insane drug addict sane again requires quite the opposite of dissociating from reality."

"Clinicians believe the implied scientific notion that a lack of dopamine must be met with more dopamine, and this approach is one of the primary causes of addicts failing in recovery."

"Trust me, any opiate addict telling you they are just going to smoke pot from now on = guaranteed relapse."

"The idea that there are solutions for addiction that do not require hard work and other-centeredness fails to account for the very problem we are suffering from."

"The status quo continues to deny the spiritual nature of addiction and the moral necessity of recovery and as such, we are beginning to see addiction and our selfish behavior rationalized and even justified under the guise of the disease model."

"Becoming an addict is simply the result of multiple voluntary acts of selfishness."

"An addict is simply a child in an adult body."

"To hold an addict's hand is to cripple and paralyze them."

"Drugs and medication can't undo what we have done. Given the nature of our transgressions, we have to manually undo what we have done."

"There is no point to dwell on all kinds of traumatic events in therapy year after year. We deal with our past and we move on. What we do from this point forward is by far more important than looking backwards. While internal analysis may be interesting and provide some insight, it is action that really changes people and cements their recovery, not analysis."

"Drug addiction can cause depression but depression doesn't cause drug addiction."

"This process of the expansion of one's conscience is the process of a person returning to sanity."

“Selfishness is not an involuntary symptom of a blameless genetic predisposition."

"Regardless of what changes may occur to the brain from abusing drugs and alcohol year after year, the root of our problem is selfishness and the root of our recovery is unselfish action."

"A sober addict or alcoholic with no character or moral compass is essentially a failure."

"If you can get an addict to want God more than drugs, you have solved the problem."

"Fighting against what is will often just prolong it. Consider this as you exert your will and try to make war with someone's addiction."

"So if therapy is sitting on a couch and talking about yourself, you wanna do the opposite of that."

"The process of losing choice is a choice."
 

"Banning drugs does nothing to curb drug use, just as taxing people for more treatment centers does nothing to increase recovery rates. If addicts want to get high, they will get high. If addicts want to recover, they will recover. So you can't just control and ban everything you think is bad, for that sort of power trip lays the foundation for tyranny."

"Brain chemistry is not the cause, it is the effect."

"What you must understand is that nothing outside of the addict can fix the addict. There is nothing that can be said, nothing that can be bought, no pill that can be taken, no therapist that can explain it away, no guru that can provide the magic answer, no doctor that can treat what ails us, no science project that can magically remove the darkness inside. Only addicts can fix themselves by taking enough action to access the unlimited power of God."

"There is no science that can justify ripping a mother's heart right out of her chest." 


Charles A. Peabody Books
Copyright 2015. All Rights Reserved.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Posts Geared for Parents, Spouses & Codependents


     The list below is by no means exhaustive, as every TPA post is intended to be useful for both addicts and parents or spouses, but these were the result of some direct question or concern... 

Only Active Addicts Tell You They are Victims

How Does One Love from a Distance?

What to Do With Addicts

Get Your Advice From Nature 

Who Teaches Addicts if Sane People Don't?

Hand-Holding

Enabling Makes You Suffer

A Message to Parents and Spouses

Are We Just Disconnected?

An Allergy and a Mental Obsession

"Watered Down AA"

Reality Check

You Can't Stop Fate

Some Truths About Addiction

Accomplishment = Happiness?

Relapse Is NOT Part of Recovery  

Moral Psychology

Words are Just Dormant Seeds 

Let's Destroy Some Myths

Why I Promote the Steps and the Moral/Spiritual Solution 

Huh?

Tough Love

Shame

Act Without Expectation 

The Ability to Enjoy Less

Trust Me, The Root of Our Problem Is Selfishness 

Elements of a Narcissist & the Victim Mentality

Are You Free? 

Courage or Cowardice? 

Life

Human Power

The Gift of Desperation

Hitting Bottom 

Boy, Have We Lost Our Way...

Methadone & Powerlessness 

God Isn't a Concept

Never Give Up

Addiction & Recovery 

Let's Destroy Some More Myths

Let's Stop Denying the Moral Failure of Addiction

Do the Opposite of Therapy

Addicts are Cowards
 
The Privileged Addict, pp. 154-55

Sorry Folks, We're Not Sad Little Children

Ways of Telling if Your Addict is Recovered 

Recovery, Inc. 

Stigma? Nope, I'm Proud & Grateful

Don't Blame Your Genes! 

Pot 

The Privileged Addict, 15-26

Culture of Mental Illness 

The Privileged Addict: How Not to Help Addicts 

Addicts & Alcoholics Will Suck You Dry

To Parents, Spouses & Codependents

Comment Response on Dopamine

Victim Mentality

Knowledge vs Knowledge 

Nature Knows Best 

Pray for Those We Resent

Couples Therapy

Families & Codependency

Parents & Spouses Take Steps 

How Not to Help Addicts

How to Stay Sober Forever

Don't Care How You Feel & Don't Care What You Believe

Recovering vs Recovered

AA Sponsorship

Excuses of an Addict 
  
Addiction Neuroscientists Should Talk to Some Moms

Comment on Narcissism  

Do You Really Want to Recover? 

Beyond Addiction or Beyond Bullshit?

What Is Addiction & How Do We Recover?  

Think Right, Act Right

The Power of the Steps

Saturday, August 1, 2015

How Do You Want to Be Remembered?

     I've gotten shit in the past for saying there's only one way, even though I've never said that. I also can't save anyone. All I can do is try to inspire others to consider doing some work on themselves by telling them what worked for me and by illuminating flaws in the various conventional methods, because really, why bother engaging in anything at all if in the end what you are doing isn't going to work?

     Why stay all lit up and jammed on methadone, for instance, when it will ultimately fail you? Why talk to a therapist when you refuse to act? Why sit in group when you are not a victim of anything? Why collect a chip when you haven't really accomplished anything? Why take psychotropics when your mental illness and underlying emotional-spiritual malady remain fully in tact? Why do anything if you know in your heart that you are bullshitting yourself? Besides, many of these methods were actually designed to fail you, such as relapse prevention and harm reduction.

     Instead, do what is hardest. Walk through your fear. Confess all. Face those you've hurt or stolen from. Be uncomfortable. Sit with some pain and boredom like every other human being on the planet. Do you want others to remember you as a person of strength and character, or do you want to be remembered as an annoying, self-absorbed coward who wilted before any sign of discomfort or when faced with life's challenges?

     The trick to getting better is two-fold...

     1) We absolutely MUST get underneath something, like, um, God. In other words, we have to stop thinking we can do anything, that we alone can get ourselves better, because we can't. We must have faith in the unknown and trust in God. We have to trust in our recovery.

     2) We have to stop being such a wimp about every little thing. It's okay to suffer and not announce it on the nightly news. Just walk through it like everybody else. How messed up, insane and disgusting this world would be if everybody responded to boredom, discontent and discomfort by shooting up or swilling booze? So always ask yourself if you would recommend the way you are acting to all others, and if not, then you have given up the right to continue acting that way.

     I do, however, believe in freedom, and if you want to be an idiot, you should have the freedom to be an idiot, but the truth is that thoughts and feelings aren't gonna kill you, and if you let them stop you, quite frankly you deserve to be an addict and to die an addict. Why? Because your cowardice comes at the expense of your family who cannot help but loving you.

     If there is some uncomfortable thing you refuse to do, I wouldn't waste my time sponsoring you because you will never get better. If you cannot or will not go to any lengths to recover, there is really no point to even try, as you will ultimately fail. In that case, you might as well keep it up with the drugs and the booze because there isn't any freedom for the faint of heart, mind and spirit. Sorry.