Friday, November 6, 2015

The Only Thing That Matters

     The only thing that really matters is how we feel, and I don't mean in the selfish way. I used to experience a kind of inner torture when I stopped playing music or stopped acting or writing. I was especially torn by having passed on major opportunities that would have propelled me into success. But in recovering and committing to a life of trying to avoid self-will, I've learned the most valuable lesson on earth.

     Having found some inner freedom and contentment (except for maybe when my 3 year-old is having an aneurysm at 4:00 in the morning), there is nothing better than the peace of letting go and just being okay with where you are and what is happening. Why is that? Well, because if you are miserable and depressed or filled with angst and inner turmoil, nothing matters.

     Sure I would still pursue this or that or the other thing, but even better than playing music live or losing myself in some character on stage or achieving worldly success and recognition is just being completely okay with any outcome whatsoever. If it happens, great. If it doesn't happen, great.


      Perhaps this is especially true for an addict, who is always expecting, always wanting more, always obsessed with me, me, me.

     People don't realize that it's not the high that relieves us so, but rather the brief moment after we use when we stop WANTING. That brief moment is peace, but no one believes it can be achieved without something outside of self, without something filling our heads - drugs, alcohol, money, sex or worldly accomplishment, prestige, fame or recognition.

     But it can. That is the secret. When we let go of wanting things and believing that we need them to be okay, the irony is that's when they start happening. And when we let go of EVERYTHING, that's when we are free. So got for it. Let go. Why not?

2 comments:

  1. i think what you are talking about is acceptance. this is true for me also. when i accept "what is" my life is good. when i think if only my son were sober then my life would be perfect is when i'm most miserable. i've learned that it is possible to be happy in the worst of circumstances. i never thought i'd ever see that day but i'm proof that it is possible. God is great. :)

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    1. Yes exactly, acceptance. Acceptance (or letting go) is emotional freedom. That's it, Janet, and I'm so happy that you are proof of this. Let's continue to destroy the myth that people don't change ;-)

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