Being in recovery is the antithesis of blaming everyone else. That is the very point and definition of recovery. That is what we are recovering from. Achieving sobriety is nothing. That is just a 72-hour clinical procedure. We are recovering from the people we were, the people we are. There is no recovery if we continue to blame others for anything, especially for why we are failing to change. Well, if only this or if only that, I'd be okay... nope.
No, don't worry, I'm an asshole too, but I am willing to admit it, regardless of the circumstance. I blame nothing and nobody for my condition, for my inner and outer life, for anything. I take full responsibility for my flaws and failures. Period. I also understand that being a good person and doing right by my family and others who suffer peripherally from this illness is the single most important thing in life and must be for any other addict and alcoholic in the world. Sorry, you just can't continue to be a needy, selfish, dry addict and have any chance of recovery or a good life. You really have to throw away the pity pot.
This search phrase (title) I saw last night sums up why psychotherapy is 100% useless for addicts and alcoholics. There is nothing outside of ourselves that can be blamed for our addiction or for anything else in our lives. There is no reason why we do what we do. There are no triggers. There is no external circumstance which prevents us from getting better. There is no external circumstance which needs to change for us to get better. And there is no use in empowering a warped and delusional self.
Why boost the self-esteem of an addict until that self has been repaired and restored to sanity, until he understands that he is not the only one who is struggling, who has needs, who exists? The old and messed up self must be exposed, understood and shed before we can build ourselves back up. The addict must let go emotionally before he can move on.
There is no use in wasting money on therapy until the addict begins acting his way into right thinking, as addicts are incapable of thinking or talking their way into right action. CBT is just backwards on its face and doesn't work for people like us. Never has. Never will. Same with finding reasons, triggers, excuses, or focusing so much on our feelings. The trick is to STOP focusing on self. Therapy is useless for addicts because it's all about self. Trust me, the last thing anybody needs is for the addict to continue talking about himself.
Until the addict is willing to get off of his ass and give of himself (talking to myself, relax), until he is willing to give back to those he has stolen from, until he is willing to give his time, energy and love, until he can shut up and just listen to others without interjecting and reacting constantly, until he can vow subservience to his conscience and commit to a life of spiritual principles, moral action, health, sanity and other-centeredness, there is little to no chance for him to get better and stay that way.
Let's just stop kidding ourselves about the behavior and the moral failure of addicts and alcoholics, shall we?