Showing posts from June, 2015

How Often Do We 'Project'?

I've written about projection, which is where we attribute or 'project' our own character defects onto others. It's true that we tend to be the most annoyed by those who simply reflect the most annoying parts of ourselves. They are mirroring the negative, unattractive stuff that we loath about ourselves.

     I know this person who is constantly annoyed and resentful of this other person who is lazy, unmotivated, unemployed, broke, depressed, insecure, afraid, unskilled, says inappropriate things and can't ever seem to rise to the occasion. What's so funny is that all of those qualities are present in the first person! In fact, the first person is a spitting image of the second person. And not only are those qualities present, they are very much alive and well. When we sink to our lowest selves, we project the most. We avoid the truth about who and what we are by just getting annoyed and judging everybody else.

     Addict/alcoholic or not, we often resent…

Addiction Neuroscientists Should Talk to Some Moms

     Achieving physical sobriety is nothing. Recovery is not a function of time. It is a function of what actions we take and at what frequency we take them. The fact remains that no alcoholic or drug addict can achieve and maintain any quality of recovery without cultivating and obeying his or her conscience. Once the obsession to drink or use has been lifted and choice restored, relapse becomes a moral failure, especially if you consider the degree of agony and pain we cause others. There is no science that can justify ripping a mother's heart right out of her chest. Sorry, but that is just the truth as it has been revealed to us through our experience...

     So I took Steps and recovered and stopped robbing my family blind about 10 years ago. Because of that, my mom was recently able to sell her condo in the city and buy her cozy little dream home out here by my family. As well, I brokered the deal, helped her move, contracted work on the house, built her a desk, put…

Tough Love

You have to understand that the addict's mind is broken when it comes to drugs and alcohol. Our #1 priority is to drink or use and remains that way until our #1 priority becomes growth. Therefore, allowing the active addict to stay with you, eat with you, share your roof, share your bed, share your wallet and remain comforted by your time, energy, love and presence does nothing but perpetuate the addiction. Being showered with comfort and privilege simply allows us to manage our addiction year after year.

     You have to remember that we really don't care. We are phenomenal actors and actresses. We will act like good little boys and girls to get back in your door, but then as soon as we unpack and settle in, we know we've manipulated you successfully and once it's 'all good', so to speak, our minds literally go insane and we think we can drink and use drugs again, control it, get away with it, and it's no big deal.

     If we are robbed of our comfort…