Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Harsh? Maybe, but Hand-Holding Doesn't Work

     I know the last post is kinda harsh, but you have to understand that if you hold an addict's hand, as soon as you let go they will just fall back down again.

     Nothing sticks unless we do it ourselves.

See Hand-Holding.


  1. I for one do not find it harsh at all. You know why? You are right. I've been stuck in this cycle of addiction/relapse for over 8 years now and hand holding DOES NOT WORK! All hand holding does is make me feel better for a bit...until it doesn't any longer. There are no guarantees that us detaching from our loved ones will work but I sure as hell know that enabling doesn't either. It takes a great deal of prayer and commitment to stay detached but with God's help I'm doing it. I know his plan has to be better than what I've tried to do for almost a decade now. I have said it before but I'll say it again, thank you for your honesty. We parents/spouses need it so much. There is a commercial running on TV right now called Sober College. They are telling parents that their addicted children can enter their recovery program and earn college credits while being there. I know that they are probably making a fortune off these poor parents. Anyway Charlie, thanks for the truth because it will set us all free. xo janet

    1. I changed 'yes' to 'maybe' in the title ;-) Bless you, Janet. xo

    2. As a recovering alcoholic and addict with a little over 5 1/2 years, I think it is absolutely true that there needs to be some type of buy in from the young person in order for any type of rehab or support to be successful or beneficial. BUT, in my opinion, that buy in can be simply willingness to admit that my life is unmanageable and not going in the right direction. That being said, when I first went to treatment at 17 i basically HAD to go. My parents sent me to the "best program" there was but I didn't learn the tools i needed to stay sober long term with just 28 days and some groups. I knew i had a problem but i couldn't imagine life in college sober.

      Two years later, i was guided by professionals at my second (and hopefully last *knock on wood*) treatment center Sober College, which Janet mentioned above, i was taught the tools and skills i needed to get and stay sober.. here i am over 5 1/2 years later. Do i think that is is possible to get sober at 20 without a treatment center? OF COURSE I do. Do I think that enabling is beneficial to the addict or the parent? No. But i do believe, that giving over the reigns to professionals who can treat the disease of addiction, whether that be a treatment center, detox, therapist, life coach, whatever, can be beneficial also... Maybe not necessary, but for me, it made being sober at such a young age that much easier.

      My mother let me know before sending me to Sober College that this was it, this was my last shot and that she would not be willing or able to support me getting help anymore. I had to do more research out there after my first treatment center at 17 but luckily i made it back and with the support of my mother, my treatment staff and the 12-steps i was able to learn the tools i needed to live life sober.

      I don't know if i would have gotten sober without the help of my mom or treatment. I do know that they gave me the stepping stones i needed to walk on this new sober path and i am eternally grateful for it.

      I think that changing the title to "maybe" was perfect because I do not think there is one right way to get sober. HOWEVER, i do agree that you cannot drag someone along the path to a sober life, they need to crawl, then walk then hopefully trudge along it on their own.


Anybody Can Take Steps - Chapter Three

* STEP 3 Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.           Soun...