Showing posts from February, 2015

You Can't Stop Fate

It is an illusion to think we can actually change the long term trajectory of anything outside of ourselves...

     I've definitely changed my tune over the years.
     As much as I'd like to think recovery and God can be beaten into others, it cannot. I try to offer what I can and educate through experience, but I cannot actually change anyone. Nobody has ever recovered because of me, nor will they. If you recovered because I helped you, the truth is that you would have recovered anyway. The truth is that you were looking for it and someone just happened to be there to lay the solution at your feet. If not me, it would've been someone else. You were simply meant to recover.

     The best you can do is pray and take care of yourself. Just like we must give our own lives over to God, we must also give our loved ones and even our children over to God as well. Even if you try to hold on, it is pointless, for they belong to God anyway. Control will be ripped o…

Some Truths About Addiction

People often say that my experience with addiction is only true for me and I should shut up for being so stupid and irresponsible, but despite the noise, because we pathetic junkies and alcoholics all share the same problem, it is reasonable to assume that we also share a similar experience in a host of other ways.

     Others hate that I mention AA and am "so public". Hold on, let me get you guys a pity pot to cry in. Let me also ask you, what's wrong with educating the general public about the miracle of the Twelve Steps? Are you feeling okay? Right, let's hoard this wonderful solution and prevent people from getting better. Great idea. Let's even prevent broken parents and spouses from finding peace. Please. That is selfish, misguided and idiotic.

     Some truths about addiction...

1) The notion that we never ever wanted to be taken over by this evil force is pure fiction. 

     Um, we wouldn't be addicts if we didn't love to use drugs. Addic…


From Addiction Is a Spiritual Problem.


Addiction is not solely or even chiefly driven by spirituality or lack thereof. Its causes are far more complex than that, as behavioral medicine is discovering. If it were so strongly related to spirituality, AA and other 12 Step groups would have far greater success rates than saving 5-8% of people who enter either program. The time has come for recognition of other approaches to the illness of addiction, beyond what was written by Depression-era evangelical Christians.


Bravo, bravo. Lol, kidding. I guess we can assume you've never witnessed a scientific miracle. I think we can also assume you're not an addict. Often people talk like this when they have no direct experience with the subject matter. This sounds much like a removed academic observation.

For one, AA as you know it is an entirely different program from the Step process, though for the typical academic, the Steps are just a poster on the wall in the churc…

How Does One Love from a Distance?

Below is a question from one of the many wonderful readers out there...

"Charlie can you please address or answer this dilemma? In my 12 step experience through Alanon, it is stressed that we can love the addict/alcoholic but keep our distance from their problems and not enable. How is that done? When I haven't heard from my addict for weeks then I know what he is up to. So if i drop him a line and say that I love him or that I'm praying for him, then that is his sign that I'm concerned and then asks for help. I believe he honestly does want help but then the same old story starts to unfold. He gets into some sort of recovery program and gets the whole family behind him and achieves a certain level of success and then without fail after a few months drifts right back into drugs and alcohol. This has occurred at least 20 different times! I honestly do not know how to convey my love without getting sucked into this gut wrenching ordeal."

     The cycle descr…

Addicts & Alcoholics Will Suck You Dry

Don't let us steal from you...

     Trust me, addicts and alcoholics don't care at all. We will suck you dry and leave you heartbroken and rotting away. We will steal your time, energy, love, patience, health, peace, serenity, money and sanity. The list goes on...

     If you don't stop us from robbing you, who will? We certainly won't stop ourselves. We've gone insane. And please, you must know that insane people don't care about you, whether it's an addict, an alcoholic, a narcissist, or some other type of sociopath. Therefore, you must set an ultimatum and stick with it regardless of what happens.

     We don't care about you. We care about drugs. We care about alcohol. That's it. Addiction is not contracting a brain disease that we so wish we didn't have and never intended to give to ourselves. Nonsense. The idea that we are devastated to have been taken over by this evil force is pure fiction. Addicts want to become addicts. Addicts L…

Recovery = Hard Work & Faith

Listen, I know this stuff annoys a lot of people so if you're one of those types who want it sugar-coated, maybe you should read something else. But please, let me just explain something first.

      There are two types of relapse - random and deliberate.

     When an addict is in the thick of it, his or her mind is completely tapped, gonzo, and will have sudden, random onsets of relapse. Addicts will literally just pick up without even thinking about it, for no reason at all, as the mind sort of blanks and experiences a kind of temporary insanity. That sort of relapse during active addiction can be characterized as choice-less as the addict does not possess the power of choice. If we can't even so much as process a thought before reflexively picking up, we have lost control. I get it. We suffer from what we like to call the mental obsession. When it hits, we're done. We've already relapsed. Gonzo. There is nothing that can pull us back once the obsession takes h…

Final Batch of Searches

I've got some more searches for you, but this is the last batch I'll do, as that should be sufficient to make the point, and if not, then I don't know. Oh, and because I'm an abusive, greedy, devil-worshipping, egomaniacal asshole, I'll probably be off for a while to finish my book and spend some time with my family. Plus I've got a hernia surgery coming up next week, so, good news for the trolls, or wait... I guess that would be bad news.

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A Message for Parents and Spouses

Also see: Posts Geared for Parents, Spouses & Codependents
Never let anyone break your spirit... ever.

     I'm just going to give you some sound advice. Sure we are all different people but it's really not that complicated. We all have the same problem and trust me, you want to just keep it simple. Ockham's razor, the scientific credo, asserts that among competing hypotheses, the one with the fewest assumptions should be selected.

     In other words, the simplest explanation is the best, and yet today the scientific, medical, and psychiatric community violate their very own code and try to increasingly complicate the shit out of addiction... so please, let me help you out a bit.

     By the way, when my wife told me to either quit or she's leaving, while I didn't immediately stop, I did have to ask myself if I really wanted to lose everything. The problem is that if we are never given an ultimatum, we will never fear losing anything.

     And if we are fina…