Monday, January 19, 2015

Projection & Self-Doubt

     A while back, some guy commented that everything I write regarding addiction is just an opinion. He wanted to see it that way because he needed to rationalize his addict's half-ass recovery efforts as well as the beliefs he had about his child.

     I hate to say it, but these are not opinions. This is knowledge that I have been given and acquired through the experience of real-life trial and error, and more importantly, actual RESULTS. When you're an addict and you go from extreme delusion and dishonesty to extreme clarity and honesty, you begin to see what is true and what is false. You begin to see things as they truly are.

     But when our own program/s continue to fail us repeatedly, we often engage in projection in order to avoid the shame and humiliation that accompanies failure. We project to avoid the truth, to avoid accountability, and most importantly, to avoid taking responsibility.

     Failure also begets self-doubt, and when self-doubt becomes pathological, it virtually creeps out of our pores, especially when we have to ask for something or stick up for ourselves. Pathological self-doubt usually occurs when we have been ridiculed incessantly growing up, especially by a narcissistic parent. Ironically, in damaged, victim-complexed individuals, sometimes self-doubt doesn’t really sound like self-doubt. In fact, the person with the guilt complex can come across as quite annoying. Why is that?

     For one, guilty, codepedent types usually beat around the bush instead of being direct, and let's face it, that's annoying. As well, the lack of confidence in our tone can actually be construed by the other person as sort of rude, indifferent, patronizing or impatient, despite no such intention being present. An anxious and guilty tone can be construed as one of blame, even if the true blame is towards self, and if there is a negative or defensive response from the person we are addressing, we cop a resentment. But the truth is that we are only mad at ourselves for not being able to communicate effectively, confidently, or straightforwardly with others.

     Unless we know why others are responding to us negatively, we will forever be frustrated and hurt by people. And sadly, there is nothing else to blame but our own character defects and our own delusional perception, when, in fairness, it never had to be that way. Effective communication doesn’t come from understanding the right way to communicate intellectually, as therapists would have you believe. It comes from self-understanding and practice in the real world.

     Ask yourself, why is everybody you know in long-term therapy still inept when it comes to communicating? 

     The answers already reside within. We just have to do some work, clean ourselves out and take some responsibility in order for them to surface. Once they do, we will be restored. We will be become honest once again, as we learn who we truly are, as we grow in strength and power, as we get up off the therapy couch, throw the pills down the toilet, grab life by the throat and walk forward - key word WALK as opposed to SIT. We must 'act' as opposed to 'think it out', which, along with more and more mind-numbing drugs, is the core approach to the new-age, degenerate model for addicts etc.

     What's sad is that nothing will ever change.

     Trust me, it won't.

     Why?

     Because the masses of sheep will never get it so long as they turn to the powers that be for their answers. Macro change will never come because people will always believe that the authorities will save them and solve their problems. Boy is everyone in for a rude awakening... and perhaps much sooner than you think.

2 comments:

  1. It is easier often to ignore what facts are when it comes to our Addicts. I was told by someone who has spoken to my son years ago what was going to happen if he didn't stop using at that point. I didn't believe him, none of us did. Everything he said would happen did with the exception of a couple of things that I pray do not.

    Even when my son was in "recovery" I wanted to believe he really was but at that point I knew better, he wasn't in recovery and I knew it was only a matter of time before he used again. I put on a good front but I didn't doubt for one second if he didn't change during the time he was not using he would be back to using. Sadly I was right.

    Sometimes it takes us POA's a long time to get it because it is simply too painful to face and we would rather walk around with rose colored glasses.

    I don't always like what you write because I don't want you to be right. I don't want to face what is right in front of me.

    Does anyone think you are writing this to make friends? I believe you are writing this to help people and if they choose not to listen like I did then they will within a few years wish they would have read with an open mind.

    Thank you Charlie for not sugar coating addiction.

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    1. You are so welcome, Tori. And while I definitely don't write anything to make friends, I am grateful to call you a friend. What impresses me is that you are always open to new information, willing to be re-educated and to adapt to changing circumstances. I gather you are/will help a great many people as time goes on, especially other parents. Thank you, Tori. You are awesome. Praying for B.

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