Showing posts from June, 2014

Psychotherapy is Nonsense

No psychologist or psychiatrist will disagree with you if you walk in and tell them you have a problem. Not only will they immediately reassure you that you do indeed have a problem, but they will continue the fraud, session after session, by conjuring up reasons for your problem. Trust me, if you don't have a reason, they will give you one. And if there is no reason, they will find one.

     By making up external reasons for self-created problems, there is really no end in sight for all the therapy you will need to work everything out. I love that Mad Men episode when Don calls up Betty's psychiatrist and tells him that Betty is just becoming weaker and more damaged. So the guy says something like,

     Well Don, we're really just doing basic psychoanalysis here, but if you really want her to make progress than we'll have to step it up to advanced psychoanalysis and she'll have to come in three times a week, double sessions, indefinitely. And it sounds like yo…

Warning Label for Addicts

As you know, this blog is not intended for people who want it sugar-coated. It is not for people who only want to hear what they want to hear, who want validation for an easier/softer way, who want to sidestep total responsibility and total honesty. There is nothing easy and soft about solving addiction, nor should there be. Easy and soft will kill you. Addicts must change completely if they are to recover. There is no half-assing our growth if we wish to have any chance in hell of making it.

     That being said, addiction is characterized by a physical allergy to mood-altering substances. Thus, any mood-altering substance will elicit the phenomenon of craving, leading to more and more. Once the flip is switched, there is no stopping an addict and they will continue to use until they either go broke and wind up in detox, or simply overdose and die. Once we start drinking or using, we are talking about a physical event. Our bodies do not react the way normal bodies do. We cannot …

How to Stay Sober Forever

Saw this search phrase last night: 'Most addicts never stay sober forever.'

     Yup, and guess why?

     Because less than 1% of them actually give their whole selves to the Steps. Any addict who gives 100% to this process will never fail.


     Because what happens with someone who gives their whole self and their whole life to the Steps is that they have chosen to put their spiritual health and God above all else, above not simply drugs and alcohol, but above everybody and everything. If you actually do that, you will stay sober forever.


     Because if you have done that, then all you care about now is your sanity and your relationship to God. A fire has been lit within. You now do whatever you need to do to be okay.

     If you need to pray, you pray. If you need to meditate, you meditate. If you need to write inventory, you write inventory. If you need to read inventory, you read it. If you need to make an amends, you make an amends. If you need to pay…

Why Bother With Anything?

Because it matters what we do.

     I used to wonder about this quite a bit, trying to determine if there is a point to anything I do when my existence is but a tiny flash in the scope of the entire Universe. I felt as though I am so small as to be inconsequential and essentially meaningless. In space-time, as it were, we are basically nothing, almost immeasurable.

     Then, as I gradually grew up and out of my addict mind and addict self, I suddenly realized how stupid I was. Everything that exists can be broken down into the same stuff. Therefore, our existence is determined not simply by God's spiritual intelligence but by each and every thought, word and action of ours. We are literally shaping our reality, our world, and most importantly, the world we leave behind.

     Even less complicated is understanding that everything we do matters on an individual level. Cause and effect is a universal law, and therefore what we do has a direct consequence to us personally, to ou…


I still judge people. I'll admit it. And like a fool, when I see my own flaws in others, I loathe it in them and excuse it in myself. You may be asking, what the hell is wrong with me?

     I'm a drug addict, for one. Sure I've been recovered for almost a decade but an addict is a person who is spiritually ill. Addiction is the natural byproduct of a grave spiritual condition. So we don't just magically change into wonderful, sane, grounded and polite individuals once we get sober. We carry our deranged characters far into our recovery, and this is why it is so crucial to not simply get clean, but to get better... much better.

     I have been somewhat rigorously taking steps for nine years and you should see me in the car sometimes. Even my wife sides with an adolescent with his hat on sideways who nearly kills us while texting just because my reaction is so painfully embarrassing and upsetting to her. She'd rather side with a kid wearing a starched baseball …

Walk Towards God

What does it 'turn it over' and 'give ourselves to God' mean?

     For anyone who has an active experience of God within and without, it is no secret what these two phrases mean, nor it is a mystery, though 'turning it over' certainly gets the AA fluff award. It is often thrown around in meetings with that sort of nauseating affect that so effectively repels me from attending. But it is simply a decision to stop trying to control everything and everyone. We do our work and leave the outcome to God.

     'Giving ourselves to God', however, is not only loaded, but also sends some of the "I'm so smart" types flying into a rage. Instead of going to pieces, why don't we just look at it on a practical level?

     When we give ourselves to God, we essentially do two things: one, we are vowing to do God's will, which means that instead of always doing what we want, we do what we need to do for others or to get closer to God. When we g…

The Ability to Enjoy Less

"The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less." - Socrates

"The more you eat, the less flavor; the less you eat, the more flavor." - Chinese proverb

     If happiness lies in the ability to enjoy less, than being an addict is the precise opposite of such a condition. So when we get better, we develop the ability to enjoy less. The more we simplify, the greater the pleasure in simple things.

     I used to need about five OC 80s, a bag of heroin, a pile of coke, two packs of butts, greasy food, sex, tv, and countless other distractions of the lowest possible quality just to feel moderately okay and make it through the day. That is pathetic. It is sin. I've been reading quite a bit of nonsense about how becoming an addict is beyond our control. Sure addiction is an illness, but it is a self-created one. Acting like a needy, whiny victim is not an illness beyond our control. It is what we do to despera…

Why Alcoholics Drink and Addicts Use

Is there a reason why alcoholics drink and addicts use?

     Nope. Sorry. There is no specific reason. There is nothing you can fix or change to stop us. I know it would be easier for us to blame someone or something, or for our parents to rationalize why we are doing what we're doing, but the truth is that reasons don't actually exist, except in the form of bullshit we try to feed you to continue drinking and using the way we want to. The same two people can be thoroughly abused while one becomes a junkie and the other becomes a great success. The same two people can be thoroughly loved while one becomes a great success and the other becomes a junkie.

Here are the only two reasons:

     It's pretty simple. We drink or use either because we are afraid to feel human (to face the challenges and suffering that everybody else has to deal with in life), or because we simply love to drink or use. There is no deep-seated reason behind it. Some of us are just childish, irresponsib…

Methadone is NOT a Solution, Obviously

Don't take this the wrong way, but if anyone who thinks Methadone is a solution simply doesn't understand addiction.

     To begin, addiction is the presence of the mental obsession (a broken or insane mind), which means that thoughts to use do not respond to ration or reason. So long as the mental obsession exits, we are subject to relapse at any point in time and for no reason whatsoever. Thus, the addict is either completely recovered (no obsession) or not at all. There is no grey area. Therefore, an addict on Methadone is simply biding time, waiting to relapse.

     And please, if you are a parent, watch out. Our illness is progressing RAPIDLY while we're on Methadone. When and if we ever get off of this synthetic form of heroin, we are going to go on the RUN OF A LIFETIME, which may very well end us once and for all.

     As you may know, I couldn't care less about blowing up comfort zones. My job is to tell you the truth and help to dissolve the pile of bul…