Showing posts from October, 2014

Dare to Dream?

"Those who discourage your dreams have abandoned their own." - Orrin Woodward

     Dare to dream?
     What do we do once we get better? The truth is that once the obsession has been lifted and maintaining such a state has become cemented into our lifestyle, we can and we must begin to trust in our recovery. We don't need 5 meetings a day 10 years down the road. For one, that would indicate something is very wrong with our program, and two, doing so would be quite selfish. Spending that amount of time in a basement for no one else but ourselves would most certainly rob our families of our help and service, let alone our presence, both of which they now deserve after the seemingly endless years of not only using selfishly, but selfishly recovering as well.

     So what do we do when we start trusting in ourselves again?
     While nobody but you should make that decision, feel free to dream and then to act. I grew up playing piano, drums and guitar, composing music, actin…

The Power of the Steps

I know I write some rather scathing indictments of the medical Establishment when it comes to addiction and recovery. And though I've also tried to describe the power behind a rigorous Twelve Step process, allow me to elaborate on the profound workings of this solution. Words on a page or screen are totally deficient here, and despite the fact that it's impossible to truly describe something you haven't experienced yourself, we should nonetheless attempt to do so for the very future of addiction treatment.

     There is a reason doctors don't suggest this and send you on your way, and it is precisely because they have no idea of the sheer power and mystical events that can take place when one embarks on a thorough, rigorous, and fearless Twelve Step process, as it's laid out in the original AA text, published in 1939.
     Since recovering 9 years ago, I have been fortunate to see a few others do this work, and let me tell you, it is something you don't w…

You Really Have to Ask Yourself, Why Not?

I know deep in my heart that there is no miracle drug for addiction, nor can any person, place or worldly thing change us or fix us. We absolutely MUST do the work for ourselves. Only through hard work, faith and courage might we induce a true miracle to occur, and only God Himself can perform such miracles. This I know with every cell in my body.

     So the point of this blog was really just to get people thinking, challenge some perceptions, and to inspire others to employ and engage the prophetical solution contained within the Big Book entitled Alcoholics Anonymous.
     Nine years ago, I had to have others take Steps and witness the relief and spiritual rapture that I myself witnessed while immersed in this process. Today, I have to admit the truth that I don't really care what anybody does or doesn't do. Sure I will continue to share my story and the solution, but there is no compulsion anymore. You really can't chase anybody around, change them, or force them …

Wailing and Moaning

So I have this relative who always whines about the same shit - his drunk dad, his insane and narcissistic mom, our successful grandfather who checks up on us, and our crazy grandmother who tortured us by speeding all the way home from ToysRus in her purple Pontiac (not kidding) after emptying her bank account to spoil us silly. By the way, her "monstrous" effect is not exactly relevant anymore considering she died 18 years ago, not that it ever existed to begin with.

     I wrote about his situation in an older post entitled, Knowledge vs Knowledge, but the point is one that needs to be re-emphasized and absolutely smashed into the brains of each and every alcoholic and drug addict. If you are still blaming someone or something from 18 years ago for your addiction, depression and failure, you have definitely passed the statute of limitations on that particular excuse. And, oh yeah, anything outside of yourself is an excuse, not a reason.

     He, like me, whined incess…

Sorry, We Are Not Victims

The fact that we are a drug and disorder-obsessed America that is heavily medicated has nothing to do with pharmaceutical companies and free-market capitalism. Sorry. That is just propaganda, and quite frankly, I feel bad for those who actually think that way. It has everything to do with the fact that the clueless, gullible, masses of American sheep believe these commercials and believe what doctors and therapists tell them. The fact that there are a millions of prescription opiates and anti-depressants on the market has nothing to do with the fact that we take them all. When it comes to pill-popping, my friends, that is nobody's fault but our own.

     People who say that it is the fault of Big Pharma for all of our children becoming opiate addicts really don't get it. First of all, there has always been addicts and alcoholics, millions of them, throughout all of time. This is not a new problem, folks. Doesn't matter the poison, if people want to drink or use someth…

Moral Psychology

More copying and pasting. You really have to be a bit touched to deny that addicts need to be treated spiritually through moral action.


     "We doctors have realizedfor a long time (not anymore, mind you) that some form of moral psychology was of urgent importance to alcoholics, but its application presented difficulties beyond our conception (um, yeah, you can't give someone a pill to change them into a better person)." - Alcoholics Anonymous, xxvii
     What is moral psychology?
     Moral psychology is treating the soul through moral change or moral action. Thus, the desired effect that healing morally has on one's soul is procured through the application of moral psychology, and it is crucial to the recovery of an alcoholic or drug addict. Without moral change, we cannot heal spiritually, and if we cannot heal spiritually, we are doomed.
     The Big Book saved my life... and there is a very specific…

Dog Shit Wisdom

On a lighter note, we somewhat recently began letting our dog sleep around the house, outside of her crate, and woke the other day to find multiple piles of shit and puke scattered about.

     Now of course, Thich Nhat Hanh says we should be grateful for such things that stop us dead in our tracks, providing us with a chance to yield, fall back to earth, breathe, and remember to simply be where we are - in the present moment.

     So, after some brief words with the dog, I eventually allowed the mindless activity of cleaning various forms of excrement to provide me with this rare opportunity to slow down and be mindful.

     And why stop there? I also spent some time the other morning frantically looking for some missing diggers in our back yard that my 2-year old was demanding be found. My frustration grew as I was held back from rushing out, and that is when I noticed a rather large chunk of dog shit creeping up the side of my sneaker.

     So I got the hose out, took off the s…

Comment Response on Dopamine & Working With Medicated Addicts

Um, yeah, so I had to post a comment response from the previous post because it exceeded the character limit allowed by Google. Please forgive, as one wouldn't normally expect to violate 4,049 characters on a regular basis.


     Ah yes, indeed. Well thank you so much for reading and reaching out. I'm grateful. And you're certainly right about the fact that addiction crosses all lines, as all drugs act on what neuroscientists refer to as the dopaminergic system. There are some rather distinct differences between the drug action of certain classes of drugs. Opiates, for instance, tend to produce greater degrees of physical dependence as they (if I remember correctly) act on the mu and delta opioid receptors (as opposed to the localized kappa receptors) and essentially shower our CNS with relief, allowing for some pretty vicious physical withdrawal.
     However, these bio-chemical details are actually what …


People keep telling me that pot is like no big deal, dude... and this not only includes my fellow deadbeats, but also a number of you poor parents out there, so I thought I'd do a little copying and pasting today. To note, there is an article link following the post.

     So I used to smoke a quarter ounce of indoor kind bud from Humboldt County everyday while my dreadlocks picked up various forms of bacteria and scum from the other delusional lunatics I sat around with in a circle before reggae band practice to bring Jah's message to the people because we were oppressed and downtrodden white boys from gorgeous, affluent North Shore towns of Eastern Massachusetts who were no doubt severely oppressed by the Babylon system. Now, I realize our government is completely backwards, but if you think smoking pot all day long out of a coconut is a sign of health and virtue, um, you need some help. Pot is for jokers.
     Regarding the action of THC, Wikipedia states, "Via …

A Vision For You

     "Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us. 
     Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.
     May God bless you and keep you—until then." - Alcoholics Anonymous p.164

     I used, drank and selfishly wallowed in various mutations of severe depression and dysfunction fo…

Most People Have It Backwards

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone." -Neale Donald Walsch
     Most people, or at least most clinicians and treatment modalities, have it backwards. They think that you treat the brain and the symptoms of addiction and by doing this you somehow change the addict and heal his mind and soul. Even if we employ therapy, the belief is that you talk about your thoughts and feelings and this somehow changes your behavior. Nope. Most people swear by therapy but the truth is that it has virtually no power to actually change an addict. CBT is also backwards. Addicts can't think their way into right action, they have to instead act their way into right thinking.

     Trust me, addicts need to address the moral issue and simply begin to act right, and through right action, the brain changes, the mind changes, and the soul heals. Moral action is also the only thing that will repair us spiritually, and let me explain something to you. If an addict is repaired morally and spi…

The Privileged Addict, 15-26

From The Privileged Addict, pp.15-26:

     "Sitting in my unearned manager’s office, I felt too lazy to walk about ten feet to the bathroom to break up lines of heroin and sniff them before dealing with my next set of clients. A father and mother sat outside my office on a grungy couch, waiting for me to find their little girl a nice apartment to begin her college career. I made them wait as I entertained the thought of sniffing the dope right off my desk. It was too fun to pass up. I pulled out a folded up piece of paper, unwrapped it, and let some of the brown powder slide onto my desk. Why not? They weren’t looking. All I had to do was put it on a folder, open up a drawer, lay the folder across, bend over to make like I was grabbing something, and sniff away. What a cinch!

     Pin-eyed and jammed out of my mind, I drove countless numbers of entrusting families around, concocting imaginative and often illegal lies designed to clothe rat-infested dumps in silk and pearls. I gl…

No Character Defects? Huh???

Someone (anonymous, of course) left this comment on, Why Alcoholics Hurt People.

     "Speak for yourself. Addicts are individuals like any other variety of human being-not ghouls riddled with character defects. Try lightening up on yourself, and stop painting others with broad brush strokes."

Anyone who knows anything about addiction and recovery knows that we never lighten up on ourselves. Sure we trust in our recovery and we respect ourselves, and no we're not doormats and no we do not beat ourselves up. Beating ourselves up is a form of self-pity, whereas being honest about our skewed and destructive ways of thinking, speaking and behaving is a loving act and has nothing to do with not lightening up on ourselves.

This is truly one of the most asinine comments I've ever received, and I've been called a sick, evil, piece of shit, idiot, moron, new-age satanist, psychopath, child abuser, even rapist. I'd rather be called all sorts of delusional filth than …

Disease Model Delusions

The only people who believe in this new-age, 'it's not my fault' version of the disease model are either addicts who selfishly refuse to get better or parents of addicts who want to believe the lies their addicts tell them in order to continue using and doing what they want.

     The Disease Model is widely misunderstood, and should not be used to abscond the addict from the responsibility of becoming addicted or the harmful behavior that ensues. Addiction is entirely different from typical 'diseases' that actually lie beyond our control.

     A child with cancer is the polar opposite of a selfish teenager mutating himself into a full blown drug addict. A child stricken with cancer is beyond his or her control, while the acquisition of addiction is self-induced. The medical community is peddling an all-out lie on this one, and it is dangerous.

     Let's get a grip here. Addict's brains are not preset for addiction. Before I became an addict, my brain was n…

The Power of Making Decisions

When you start making decisions, big decisions, good decisions, there is power behind that, as it is a show of courage. It gives you strength and a sense of relief that you have more control and power over your life than you may have previously thought.

     So go ahead, make decisions, for if you don't, others will, institutions will, the government will, and trust me, they are the very last people you want making decisions for you. You have to ask yourself, would you rather make your own decisions or would you rather be a slave?

"Resistance to tyranny becomes the Christian and social duty of each individual... Continue steadfast and, with a proper sense of your dependence on God, nobly defend those rights which heaven gave, and no man ought to take from us." - John Hancock

Hitting Bottom & Getting Better

Hitting bottom occurs when we can no longer lie to ourselves.
                                                         *      That is a first Step. Once such an understanding occurs, an addict feels the novelty and purity of humility, and it cleanses them. Until this has occurred, no addict will be able to recover and effect real and lasting change. The humility of feeling powerless over drugs and alcohol is truly the best thing that can happen to a drug addict or an alcoholic. 
     When we stop lying to ourselves, it is the long end to being a phony. Thus, the better you want to get, the more open and honest you will become. So let it out, admit the truth about yourself, trust in God, serve others, and you will find freedom.
                                                         *      Getting better occurs when we can no longer lie to others.

Let's Destroy Some More Myths

Let me help out.

1) Relapse is part of recovery.

False. Relapse has nothing to do with recovery. That's the point of recovery. You don't relapse. Many people don't understand that cliche's and catch phrases like this are designed by treatment centers, treatment professionals and pharmaceutical companies to peddle products and services to addict and their families.

     Please read, Relapse is NOT Part of Recovery, for greater elaboration.

2) Drug addiction is a very complex disease that nobody understands and there are endless factors that go into becoming an addict. Drug addiction is almost always associated with dual-diagnosis. 

False.I know we'd like to think it is, but trust me, it's not. The process of getting better requires nothing more than consistent right action. Sure we deal with our past, but even this process is quite simple. We take our lifetime of resentments, fears and sexual misconduct and see each event, behavior or feeling honestly and clearly. I…