To heal myself, I simply had to address the core underlying problem. Trust me, you don't need the DSM-IV to figure us out. We like to pretend and act all complicated, but we're not. Nobody is. The truth is that we are spiritually ill, just like everybody else who suffers from anything.
In today's drug and disorder obsessed America, we typically sit down with a therapist of sorts and explain our problems as they mentally sift through the DSM-IV trying to pinpoint our specific basket of personality disorders, mental disorders and/or chemical disorders. Upon our diagnosis of say, alcohol dependency, severe depression, PSTD, and let's throw a little ADHD in there just for good measure, the therapist/doctor attempts to address each specific disorder with a combination of therapy and various medications. Nothing could be more ridiculous in attempting to effect long-term healing.
But why, Charlie? How dare you spew such non-clinical blasphemy?
Don't get mad at me. It's not my fault that we've all been duped into believing in the disorders that we are diagnosed with. It's not my fault that we believe in the dual-diagnosis hoax. And it's not my fault that there is actually no such thing as the never-ending myriad of disorders claimed by the DSM-IV. Yes, you read that correctly. Most disorders in the DSM-IV are nonsense. There is really only one malady that any of us have, and sure it may manifest itself is a variety of ways, but attempting to treat each specific manifestation is fruitless and idiotic, as well as plain ignorant. It cannot be done. The only way to heal any specific disorder is to treat the core illness. That core illness is spiritual. If we heal ourselves spiritually, then all outward manifestations will gradually dissolve, and without a single wasted dollar on therapy or drugs.
So there is no such thing as a dual-diagnosis. You're either well or you're not well. Whether it's alcoholism, addiction, depression, bipolar, narcissism, anxiety, antisocial personality, body dysmorphia, sexual promiscuity, obesity, gambling, or whatever... it's really all just the same shit. They are all offshoots of ONE THING. That thing is a sickness of the spirit. It is a disconnection from others, from earth, from God. It is a disconnection from self. We are simply lost and fucked up and need to be found.
Treating every possible skew known to mankind is just a marketing gimmick to dupe the gullible masses into taking as many medications as the big boys can possibly get us to take. The more doped out we are, the better it is for the big boys... and of course, the government.
Doctors love to tell you that depression causes addiction, that our feelings cause us to use. First, let me mention that when you have the most severe bio-chemical depression known to man and you are rendered completely dysfunctional - you feel nothing, taste nothing, can barely move, can't sleep, sleep all day, can't get up, mind is racing, can't face anybody or anything, ever (which I've personally experienced repeatedly and let me tell you, it is brutal) - you don't really drink or use drugs during this sort of torture because it doesn't work. Nothing works. You are so dead inside that even alcohol and heroin fail you, and in fact, only serve to amplify the depression.
Ask a depressed pothead why he continues to smoke pot even though it makes him more depressed after he smokes it. It's because smoking more pot has nothing to do with relieving him of his depression (obviously), as it is actively making his depression worse. He continues to smoke pot because he is a pot addict. I only began drinking and using again once my depression lifted and I felt good. So drugs can cause depression, as they ravage us spiritually, suck our vital energy (Qi), and fuck up our serotonergic and dopaminergic systems, but depression doesn't cause drug addiction. They are really just two different symptoms or byproducts of the same underlying spiritual condition, living side by side.
Let me tell you how I managed to conquer clinical depression, bipolar disorder, alcoholism, heroin addiction, cocaine addiction, rage, and a few personality disorders? Um, Work. Yup, that's it. Spiritual action. I pushed myself with everything I have. I walked through pain and fear and discomfort. I dug deeply, became terrifyingly honest with myself and expelled a lifetime of poison and rot-gut shit that infected my mind, heart, soul and body. I tried to clean myself from the poisions of self-seeking, dishonesty and fear. I faced those I had wronged. I tried to empty myself of filth and fill myself up with spirit and power and the love of God. Now to be more accurate, I pathetically attempted to do this stuff in my retarded addict way... but it worked. I tried and I was earnest about it, and because of that, something happened.
Sure our growth must continue far beyond the initial actions of the Twelve Steps. Movement therapies, Zen meditation, service, art, music, spiritual retreats, hurling oneself into the base of an ice cold waterfall and climbing mountains to the peak are all pretty helpful if we plan to continue growing.
And yes, I realize these are all just words and people say this sort of shit all the time, but my experience was quite real and unexplainable. I felt a mind-blowing power and flow of energy from the Universe shoot straight down through the top of my head and flow throughout my body, and after that... Depression gone. Bipolar gone. Anxiety gone. Fear gone. Obsession to use drugs gone. Obsession to drink gone. In an instant, I suddenly couldn't give two shits about drugs anymore because I came into brief contact with God, and let me tell you that one little miniscule spec of this kind of Power and you are completely changed for life, or at least changed for some time, and then we must continue to grow and work in a host of other ways. But God exists and anything is possible. This I know.
God, be with me...
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