Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Judgment

     I still judge people. I'll admit it. And like a fool, when I see my own flaws in others, I loathe it in them and excuse it in myself. You may be asking, what the hell is wrong with me?

     I'm a drug addict, for one. Sure I've been recovered for almost a decade but an addict is a person who is spiritually ill. Addiction is the natural byproduct of a grave spiritual condition. So we don't just magically change into wonderful, sane, grounded and polite individuals once we get sober. We carry our deranged characters far into our recovery, and this is why it is so crucial to not simply get clean, but to get better... much better.

     I have been somewhat rigorously taking steps for nine years and you should see me in the car sometimes. Even my wife sides with an adolescent with his hat on sideways who nearly kills us while texting just because my reaction is so painfully embarrassing and upsetting to her. She'd rather side with a kid wearing a starched baseball cap at a 45 degree angle with the price tag still hanging off of it than her husband, who, um, devolves into a neolithic animal in a matter of seconds. I remind her that he is the future of this country and it should pain her as much as it tortures me, but I get nowhere.

     I guess when they say once an addict, always addict, they're not solely referring the physical allergy. Addicts will continue to be a shining example of mental illness long after they recover. Sure I am a completely different guy than I once was, but some of the hard-wiring is just gonna take a bit more time... like maybe the rest of my life.

     Judgment is either projection (see projection), or it is simply a random vent due to our own dissatifaction with our lives and who we are. Let's face it, if we were happy with ourselves and our world, we would have no need, fuel or incentive to judge now, would we?

God, please remove my character defects and replace them with love...

1 comment:

  1. My alcoholic friend has called by now. My phone is off. He walks to the bar as soon as he gets off work. He calls as he gets there long enough to say hi..then he says.... Im here. Bye. HOW SELFISH! I dont know what to say so my phone is off.

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