Sometimes it feels like negative projection is fundamental to being human. It is like a virus that never goes away, though I can keep the symptoms at bay for a time. It's just one of those insidious things that haunts me day after day after day.
Sadly, I remain sensitive to seeing in others those things that I once loathed or still loathe about myself. Especially the things I wanted so desperately to rid myself of, such as irresponsibility. I become critical when I see irresponsibility in others. Why? Because I was the epitome of irresponsibility, and this is one of the things I hated most about my old self. Other things I hated about myself were vanity, arrogance, even gregariousness - you know, as if everyone is looking at me, so impressed, but the reality is I'm just loud, obnoxious and embarrassing, as my audience suffers my presence. I hate it when I see that now in others - that fake, narcissistic, cocky charm.
So how do I get rid of persistent negative projection, when even inventory and prayer fail me? Personally, I've had to search for some more unorthodox measures. For one, my wife and I have both been doing a guided heart meditation. Second, I read a fascinating article about how the power of simply repeating certain phrases can alter my mind and bio-chemistry, and therefore what I attract to myself. The strategy is essentially just love. Love for self and therefore love for others. It is based on the notion that everything in our world is simply a projection of our inner selves. So if we are light-filled and peaceful within, then everything outside of us will change accordingly.
The truth is that when I begin to see countless things that annoy me, it is merely a reflection that I'm messed up inside. So if I can change myself within, if I can love and forgive myself, then my outer world will also change. But to do this, I must repeatedly alter my frame of mind, even my bio-chemistry itself. And by repeating loving words, I can do just that. Music can accomplish this as well. Sound resonates, like everything, and therefore has the ability to completely shift energy. And it's not even miraculous, it's just the way it is. It's simply the metaphysical reality of the way things are.
God, help me to find ways to shift myself, that I may create peace around me...