Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Calling Our Sponsor?

   
     We relapse long before we actually relapse. Once we decide to use, we have gone insane and are beyond human aid.

   
     So if we have decided to use, and our minds no longer respond to ration or reason, then...

   
     What good is calling our sponsor?



Happy New Year.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Why Doctors & Pills Fail Addicts

     "...the problem with an alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than his body." - Alcoholics Anonymous, p.23

     To become recovered, all an addict needs is a moral compass... and, of course, the power to obey it.

     If we lived by spiritual principles and did the right thing then we would fix our broken minds, thereby removing our insanity and never relapsing ever again. Unfortunately, doctors and pills cannot insert a moral compass into an addict. That has to come from within, and the power to act comes from our Creator.

     Recovering from addiction is pretty simple. The task for any addict is to restore his or her conscience and then become driven to never ignore it. Moral action restores the addict to sanity and we get back our power of choice. From there, if we never intentionally do the wrong thing, we will never relapse.

     Conventional treatment hoaxes will always fail because they do not require an addict to act spiritually, which is the solution. Chronic addicts can and will recover for good by having an experience profound enough to induce a psyhic change. Those who do not recover are simply people who don't want to change - that is, to change completely. Some may want to change, but not completely. Only those who are willing to change completely will achieve lifelong freedom from addiction.

     I purposely didn't use the word 'science' in the title because I think we have a misconception of science. I believe science only proves the beautiful and miraculous of mechanisms of God all the more. I also believe that science will one day prove or explain mysteries that we currently refute on the basis of no hard evidence. We will eventually see how the mysteries of God work, how healing takes place on non-tangible levels, how cause and effect crosses physical lines into the mental and spiritual, how the forces at work are well beyond what we can see, hear and touch.

God, help me to want to change, to be willing to change completely...

Friday, December 20, 2013

Methadone

     Not only is methadone not a solution, or even a remedy, but it actively makes us worse and progresses our illness physically, mentally and spiritually. There is no place for methadone or any other such filth in addiction treatment.

     Why?

     1) When I stop taking methadone, I am no better at all. I am nowhere. I still suffer from the mental obsession, and thus it is only a matter of time before I relapse. Furthermore, our illness is progressive, so the time we have wasted on methadone has only ensured a worse relapse if and when we taper off.

     2) Taking methadone is simply taking another form of heroin. It is a synthetic opiate. Sure I may not be calling Pablo for a while and I'm back home with mommy and daddy, but I'm still jammed out of my mind, still deranged and warped beyond comprehension, still contributing nothing and still the same zombie as I was before I went on the methadone. I am still an untreated addict who hurts those who love me by doing absolutely nothing with my life.
     We can only truly heal, give back and be the people we were supposed to be if we are entirely sober and have undergone a psychic change. Only then may we consistently live by spiritual principles and embrace the humility that comes with understanding that God is, and that we are only okay if we align with His will.

    3) Methadone enables cowardice. By succumbing to easier, softer ways, I have decided that I don't have the guts or the balls or the personality or the soul to push myself, to walk through my pain, to do everything it takes to expel the poison within and then run straight into my fear and take so much action that change is inevitable. We are what we do, say and think. If we eat methadone wafers everyday, then we have done nothing and we have given back nothing, which is mind-blowing considering all that we have taken. That's not an option. Reversing course and giving back to those we have stolen from over the years means that we run, not walk in the other direction. If we acted selfishly and wrongly, then we instead act selflessly and rightly. We have to become the opposite of what we were.

     4) By taking methadone I am actively feeding off the public trough, taking from others who work and take care of themselves and don't become heroin addicts - the people who fund methadone clinics. And for what? So we can continue to use and take methadone? What sort of social service is that? What a waste of money and a social travesty. In fact, people should stop paying taxes until all methadone clinics are no longer publicly funded.
   
     5) All you need to know about methadone is that you get it from the pharmaceutical elite and the government. Anything from either institution is designed not to serve you, but to cripple you and rob you of everything you have inside and out.

God, please help the powers that be to stop crippling addicts and embrace You...

Saturday, December 14, 2013

The Truth About Addiction

     Addiction is a byproduct of an underlying spiritual malady.

     Treating the specific bio-chemical elements or the side-effects of addiction is useless. Mainstream treatment is a band-aid. You are just biding time, waiting to relapse.

     Or you could become recovered for good.

     Treat the spiritual malady and you treat the addiction. Trust in the Power of God and take actions that expand His presence within you. If you rely on someone or someone's science project to get you better, you will end up fooling yourself all over again. Mainstream treatment is just as much of a false solution as addiction itself. 

                                                      *

     How sad it is that we spend time, energy and billions peddling false solutions to addicts, spouses, and especially parents... when all it would take is for, as Jung says, one "vital spiritual experience" to occur. Because of the failure of medicine and science to do anything for addicts, we are relegated to such dismal, dreary and hopeless language like "recovering", "always in recovery", "relapse is part of recovery", and on and on. We are considered to be standing on the edge of a cliff for the rest of our lives... and all we can do is try to ward off triggers and prevent relapse with trigger identification and relapse prevention. These lies are sold to you for profit, for if you were to actually recover, the industry vultures and puppets wouldn't be able to prey on you anymore. So it's true that you will always be "in recovery" if you rely on doctors and pharmaceutical companies to help you.

     The health care system will never fix a single addict. Ever. Their belief system cripples them. The only thing they know is to treat symptoms of addiction, and in doing so, they leave every addict struggling and subject to relapse at any point. No matter how much money and medical hubris they throw at addiction, they will always fail. How obvious yet wasted the truth is, as it will never be accepted by the status quo.

     The government and the health care system will never allow the wisdom and the tools of recovered addicts to influence mainstream treatment. They will never listen to fellow masters of addiction. They are too blind and arrogant. They think they know everything. The more they reject spiritual action and God as a solution, the more parents will lose their children, the more spouses will be heartbroken, and the more our world will caste an entire population as a bunch of useless, unproductive zombies who are kept numbed and dumbed down by the dishonesty of the status quo and the slavery of subuxone, methadone, seroquel, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.

     If they let me at it, I would entirely change the way we view and understand addiction as well as the way we treat it, but that will never happen.

God, please help us to see past the fog and distraction of academia to understand the true nature of addiction...

Monday, December 9, 2013

Sit Down Beside It

     This blog can be tough on addicts, victims, heroes and pity pots... but I do understand that we are in pain. When we abuse ourselves with drugs and alcohol, when we abuse others and project our flaws onto them, when we become whiny, negative and full of self-pity, when we see ourselves as brilliant and superior, or when we see ourselves as the center of the universe, it is because we are in pain. Suffering does strange things to people. We either self-destruct, lash out on others, or engage in self-worship.

     But the pain is real and even though it's imperative to own it, to be accountable for it, we also need to embrace it, befriend it, and have some compassion on it. Compassion is useful as it allows us to forgive ourselves, which opens us up to others, helping us to better love them, to love more deeply. So we do need love. We can't just make war with our character defects. We need to understand the effect they have on ourselves and others, and then sit down beside them. By accepting and embracing them, we disempower them. We can then let them go.

     It's also okay to be tough on ourselves. In fact, addicts need to if they are to break through the endless layers of pride, ego and bullshit. We need to shatter our self-centered frame of reference in order to become honest again, to see things clearly. So compassion doesn't mean that we blame anyone and it doesn't mean that we sit idly and refuse to proactively do anything about our pain. We are entitled to make mistakes but not to remain sedentary. 

     The solution? God and Purpose. Maladies like addiction or depression are simply a lack of purpose and a weak or ineffectual spiritual life. When we find actions that improve our conscious contact with our Creator and when we find a Purpose that feeds us and others, we repair naturally. 

God, teach me to have compassion on my pain, to embrace the darkness within that I may dissolve it and let it go...

See Also: Befriend The Darkness & Nature Knows Best.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

More Inventory

     Sometimes it can be difficult to see how we caused resentments that we have towards a more general trait or behavior rather than a specific event. Here are a couple examples I remembered from my original 4th Step. I added some additional answers to show that it's not just one thing, though our task is to find the most honest answer for each category.

1. People who litter

a) They litter.

Affects my: Pride/Ambition, Self-esteem

*Self-Seeking: I am (want to be seen as) a model citizen OR I am a pillar of tolerance.
*Selfish: I want them to be like me, to think and act the way I do.
*Dishonest: They remind me of my own entitlement OR I take it personally, but because I don't want to see the trash, not because I care so deeply about the environment.
*Fear: I'm afraid of confrontation (so I don't do anything about it).

2. Wife

a) Gets anxious sometimes.

Affects my: Pride/Ambition, Self-esteem, Personal/Sex Relations

*Self-Seeking: I'm a hero of a husband... so why on earth are you anxious or upset?
*Selfish: Her mood takes me out of my comfort zone.
*Dishonest: Her anxiety reminds me that I'm not okay (otherwise I wouldn't react to it by resenting her, which helps me avoid the truth about myself).
*Fear: I'm afraid to love her OR I'm afraid to swallow my pride, my pathetic construction of self.

The above resentment is, sadly, a perfect reflection of an addict's childish and warped mind. To resent someone for suffering because it takes me out of my comfort zone, and then to get mad at them for doing so, is grotesque, to put it mildly, and beyond reproach. This is why addicts who don't write an honest, fearless and thorough inventory don't make it. 99% = 0.

God, help me to see those things that block me from You and Others... 

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

God Isn't a Concept

     God is not a concept. God is/was before any of us.

     I think where we went wrong and where God became so loaded is when He became a concept of our selves - our separate, worldly selves... our false selves. In fact, the concept and belief that we are all separate is killing us. God is not an extension nor a creation of ours. God is not born of self but rather we are born of God. And I'm quite sure that all those who curse God wouldn't be cursing Him if they died, for they would see that God is beyond human concept. Because those who curse God are not really cursing God but rather cursing someone else's conception of God, which isn't God at all.

     I don't think we can even come close to conceptualizing or intellectualizing God. In fact, look at what happens when we pursue Him as an extension of self. When we define God from the artificiality of our limited, conscious minds, we do nothing but get further away from Him. We become clouded such that real contact isn't even possible.

     The Power which is God is so beyond the reach of us and of our faculties that it's a fruitless endeavor to try to define or symbolize Him. This is why we fight. Religious wars are not over God, but just over differing man-made conceptions of God, which have nothing to do with HIM.

     Holy wars are quite different, and that is between good and evil, both of which exist in our world. But as Thomas Merton says, "...instead of hating the people you think are warmakers, hate the appetites and the disorder in your own soul, which are the causes of war. If you love peace, then hate injustice, hate tyranny, hate greed - but hate these things in yourself, not in another." -Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation. 

     Man, I wish I could do that.

     But anyway, I'm quite sure that if we were to die, none of us would have the attitude or certainty we have while living in our individual selves, our separate bodies, our fabricated identity driven by ego. Perhaps we should just act, act right, act based on spiritual principles and leave conception and imagination to drug addicts and crazy people.

     From a previous post, Knowing God vs Having God: Truly there is a difference between knowing God and having God. To know God we simply have to believe, or read some doctrine, or perhaps drop by Sunday service and potluck. But to have God we have to perform. We have to take actions that bring God into us and expand His actual presence.

     And once again, from Merton: "Nothing could be more alien to contemplation than the cogito ergo sum of Descartes. "I think, therefore I am." This is the declaration of an alienated being, in exile from his own spiritual depths, compelled to seek some comfort in a proof for his own existence(!) based on the observation that he '"thinks." If his thought is necessary as a medium through which he arrives at the concept of his existence, then he is in fact only moving further away from his true being. He is reducing himself to experience, directly and immediately, the mystery of his own being. At the same time, by also reducing God to a concept, he makes it impossible for himself to have any intuition of the divine reality which is inexpressible." Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation. 

God, please give me the wisdom, strength and courage to have You, not just to know You, that I may rest beyond concept in Your love and power...