Sadly, people who find this blog often type in the search phrase, 'why do alcoholics hurt us?', which results in an older post I wrote about why drinking is selfish. I renamed that post, Selfish No Matter What, and hopefully this one will come up instead.
First, let me tell you that it's not because of you. You are not the reason. There is no person, place or thing to blame. We have only ourselves to blame for our selfish actions.
Alcoholics and addicts hurt others because their addiction comes first before everything. And if our addiction is our very top priority, then we will do anything it takes to use the way we want, even if that means lying to you, stealing from you, manipulating you, deceiving you, abusing you, hurting you and breaking your heart.
Many of us probably don't want to hurt you at all, but if we are addicts, our addiction comes first, and that means nothing and nobody will get in the way of us drinking and using to our little hea…
* Have poor or no memory of events. Narcissists will rip you
apart at the seams and then have little to no recollection of the event
just days later. When they do have a memory of events, reality has shifted.
They see themselves as the victim and you as the abusive one.
* Have no interest in your life. Narcissists
have no interest in anybody's life but their own. They will dump their
woes on you for hours without ever thinking it might be appropriate to
shut up for a second and ask you about your life. They are jealous and
envious of any blessing that may come your way, and will work to change
the conversation at once.
* Engage in pathological projection.
The narcissist will attribute or 'project' every negative quality they
own onto you, while never taking ownership themselves. Conversely, they
will attribute any good qualities, if they exist at all, as well as any
personal accomplishments, to themselves and nobody else. So if it's bad,
"Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. 'How can I best serve Thee - Thy will (not mine) be done.' These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is proper use of the will." -Alcoholics Anonymous, p.85
Translation: I can use my self will until I'm blue in the face... to do God's will.
Why is it so difficult to understand the difference between self will and God's will? Every time people discuss some horrible tragedy, someone always asks, "Golly gee, why did God let this horrible tragedy happen!?" Acts of horror have nothing to do with God's will. Acts of abuse and violence are purely an act of Self will. God's will involves listening deeply and following our conscience. Most of us should have one, less the sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists. It's the visceral feeling we experience when we s…