Showing posts from April, 2013

You Will Not Fail

     "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. There are those, too, with grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest."
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 58

     So trust in God, do the right thing, follow your heart...

     And you will not fail.

God, teach me how to properly love and accept myself so that I may better love and accept others and do Your work well...

God, help me to let go of my fear, anger and resentment, that I may embrace Your principles of love, patience, compassion and courage...


Resentment Inventory Example

Inventory extracts resentments, fears, and flawed, immoral conduct. It does this by helping us to see situations clearly. When we see things clearly, we become honest with ourselves, and when we become honest, we can forgive ourselves. And then, beautifully, when we forgive ourselves, we can forgive anyone.

     An older post, Resentment Inventory, has gotten a number of hits lately, so after forgetting to ever follow it up with an example, here is some resentment inventory from my original 4th Step years ago.

See also:ResentmentFear Inventory & Sex Inventory. As well, see More InventoryHome Depot Inventory & Professor Masshole

1st Column: Mom  

2nd Column: Thinks I should be medicated.

3rd Column: (Affects my...) Self-Esteem,  Pride/Ambition, Personal/Sex Relations.

4th Column:

*Self-Seeking: I want to be seen as normal and sane.

*Selfish: I want Mom to leave me alone. I'm unable to see that Mom loves me and is just trying to help me.

*Dishonest: I know I am sick, b…


If we are serious about our recovery and about growing, then we don't want to put up any walls, even thin ones, between us and spiritual health/freedom. That means we don't mess with anything. That means we don't take Tylenol PM, Sudafed, or any mood or mind-altering substance whatsoever, regardless of how subtle. That means we don't take prescribed painkillers during or after surgery. Why, knowing that our bodies are permanently damaged, knowing that the allergy we have crosses all lines, and knowing that ANY mood-altering substance will set this allergy off, would we screw with anything? Plus, if we wuss out after getting a tooth pulled or some other nonsense, then we really can't be much of an example to anyone we might help or sponsor now, can we?

     But whatever we do or don't do, the most important thing is intent. Is our intent in taking something to feel good, to feel different? If it is, even to the slightest degree, then it is of ill intent, it…

Why People In AA Relapse Constantly...

...besides the fact that many people in AA aren't really alcoholics.

     First of all, our most common error as addicts and alcoholics is to focus on drugs and alcohol. That's not really our problem. It's not about drugs and alcohol. It's not about AA or the even Steps, though AA is nothing without the Steps. The Steps are simply a way to get to God. They are simply tools to be used, spiritual actions to be taken to establish a relationship with God and improve our conscious contact with Him. And if our problem is a spiritual one, then so must be our solution.

     But back to the question - why do people in AA (meeting-makers) relapse so much? For one, meeting-makers only make meetings, and of course, meetings contain about .01% of the power needed to actually fix a broken, shattered, warped, lunatic alcoholic.

     More to the point, meeting makers relapse because the alcoholic who is only sober on a physical basis is subject to suddenly and randomly experience…

Broken Mind

"Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than his body." - Alcoholics Anonymous, p.23

     So true, it hurts. Perhaps what hurts even more is that our brilliant, saintly, heroic, divinely ordained, perhaps even angelic doctors and psychiatrists (forget about social workers and addiction specialists) don't believe this or understand it in the slightest. They believe addiction to be a purely physiological condition, a bio-chemical imbalance. Needless to say, that is absolutely correct, in that the brain of an addict is a changed brain neuro-chemically. But what they aren't telling you, or rather, what they can't tell you is why an addict who has been sober for months or even years, whose brain chemistry has returned to normal, suddenly relapses? They cannot tell you this because it somehow desecrates their belief system, that things we cannot see or prove do not exist.

     But how naive and obtuse it is not to understand that wrong…


During my annoyingly manic, painfully self-seeking, falling-down-drunk, living in Boston phase, I used to dress up in a Brooks Brothers suit and custom Italian loafers and saunter around Back Bay pretending to be some ultra-rich, ultra successful, corporate wheeler and dealer who just didn't have the time to spend all the money he was making, and certainly didn't have the time to care. Special note to alcoholics and addicts, especially those of you who are in one of your manic, show-off phases:

Nobody cares about what you're doing. Nobody cares about how you look. Nobody cares about your feelings. And everything that you think is just so important, well, um, nope... it isn't. You are not special and you don't suffer any more than anybody else. 

     Addicts who are still having fun with it and don't look totally emaciated and run over yet often exhibit this sort of grandiosity. If you've ever known a narcissist, than you know how brutally annoying it ca…