“What can I do? I’ll do anything. We’ll do anything. What’s it gonna' take? You name it, any doctor, treatment, medication, rehab, anything. There must be something I can do!”
then I didn’t know how to tell Mom that there was absolutely nothing neither
she nor anyone else could do. There was nothing I could take, nothing I could
learn, nothing that could be beaten into me, nothing that all the money in the
world could buy that would cure me. My problem wasn’t even really drugs and
booze, but what happened to me in their absence. The truth? I was missing something,
and it was now time to fill up the abyss. It was time to rely on something
other than my fucked up head to guide me through life. It was time to evolve
and to learn how to pray.
So I took a 3rd Step. I wrote
it out on a piece of paper to make sure I did it perfectly, and then met some
fellow junkies in the chapel. I brought a pillow for my bony knees because I
was still a little wimp. We knelt down and held hands. Sadness overcame me and
I began crying as we recited the prayer together.
I offer myself to Thee - to build with me and do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve
me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my
difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of
Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!” Alcoholics Anonymous, 63.