Sunday, January 27, 2013

Progress, Not Perfection

     Um, just for the record, I make tons of mistakes and usually on a daily basis. I still lose it on idiot Massachusetts drivers who generally have such low self-esteem that when they do something wrong they regress into children, yelling and swearing at you because they nearly slammed into you while texting, thereby killing your wife and infant child sitting on the passenger side - yup, somehow that was my fault. Sometimes I lose patience with my wife for no other reason than I'm not basking in my comfort zone, so I figure I'll just take it out on her - like the other day when she was graciously helping me with some publicity stuff and I said in return, "Enough comments for now, thanks..." I still judge and criticize and generalize. I still make false assumptions and project my own flaws onto others. I still sometimes resent the very things that I do myself. I'm still sometimes a mouthy jerk who is petty, self-seeking, and almost pathologically selfish.

     However, other times, and fortunately more often than not, I am the opposite of those things and I live by moral and spiritual principles. The difference between me now and me then is that now I have a conscience which creeps through every cell in my body. I have strong and visceral feelings in my gut and in my heart when something is wrong, and I do not ignore my conscience. That is to say that I NEVER knowingly commit wrong. This is crucial for any addict who plans on staying sober for more than 24 hours. This is why he or she must stay close, very close to God. So when I screw up (which we all do because we are inherently flawed), I will admit my wrong and make it right. And by the way, if I did screw up and still haven't figured it out (which is certainly possible because I am a moron) then please let me know and I'll be more than happy to become accountable for my wrong and make it right with you, if possible.

God, please expand my conscience and give my the power, peace and willingness to listen... 

2 comments:

  1. so I get caught up in sometimes wanting to call '' my addicted son out on.. inconsiderate actions. He has been sober 14 months.

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  2. thank you for your quick response.. I do feel he has come a long way in his recovery looking back,yes working on his continued recovery since moving from PH,sober/1/2 way house[very strict]for 12 months and now in his own apartment paying his own way. I just feel sometimes I go back and forth on my expectations and where he is at his recovery or is it my recovery and my expectations?? Yes he hears what I have to say,he is polite and will often agree with what I have to say...thank you for sharing and REMINDING me Progress not Perfection!!

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