Sunday, October 7, 2012

Victim Mentality

     Victim is a state of mind...

     Victims believe that their feelings and their circumstances are all caused by something outside of themselves. They are ignorant to the fact that they are 100% responsible for how they feel. It should come as no surprise that victims have no interest in your life. They will blab on for hours about what so and so did to them without ever thinking that it might be appropriate to shut up and ask you about your own life, feelings, or struggles. When good things happen to you, it's like a dagger in the victim's heart. Success for you means jealousy and resentment for the victim, as they quickly dump their woes on you to divert attention away from your blessings. If you do not agree that they are victims, they will turn on you viciously. They will only reach out to you with charm or kindness when they want something from you. And you better give it to them to avoid incurring their wrath. They have no shame. They are desperate.

     Victims believe that all negative feelings or events that happen to them are somebody else's fault. They see their circumstances purely as a result of events acting upon them as opposed to causing the events themselves... unless it's something good, of course. It is always what someone said or did. It may even be the whole world's fault, as each and every one of us somehow owes the victim something. Whatever the cause, it is anything but themselves. Guess what? Victims are narcissists. The victim frame of mind and worldview is a narcissistic one.

     Sure, there are real victims out there, but I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about being a victim in your head. An actual victim is someone who is, say, randomly abducted, tortured and then killed. A fake victim is someone who thinks they are a victim because someone humbled them, or because of choices they themselves made. They somehow don't believe that the consequences of their own actions are their fault. Yes, they actually think this way. A fake victim thinks they are a victim when they abuse someone and that person retaliates. A fake victim thinks they are victimized when friends and family give them some tough love by setting boundaries around their negativity and mental illness. They actually wonder why other people don't want to be around them. They actually wonder why other people are freaked out by them.

      I engaged in this sort of nonsense for years. Alcoholics and addicts can easily fall prey to such a childish and ignorant victim mentality. If an alcoholic or an addict thinks they are sober but still believes they are a victim, they are no better at all. Think Plato's Allegory of the Cave. To recover, we must step out of the darkness and understand that we are not victims. Nothing outside of us makes us feel the way we do. Who we are, what we feel, what we do, and what happens to us are purely our own responsibility. My advice: Don't be a victim. It's unattractive.

Plato's Allegory of the Cave

God, teach me that I'm not a victim...


  1. Wow...thank you for sharing

  2. Wow this is mind opening. Thank you so much for sharing.

  3. Wonderfully written and hits precisely all points. I especially enjoy the part where "if you don't deliver what ever is I need right now I will do whatever I can to hurt you. being in a relationship with these so called victims can destroy your life. BEWARE

    1. That is scary. Im just better off alone. I dont need this in my life.

  4. This is so true, applies to my bf of 1 year who is an alcoholic and it took me some time to realize that. Working on detaching myself, but it is hard...

  5. WOW! This is simply superb. I am not in recovery but I am a student and friend of recovery and this nails so much of what I see all around me in the UK. Thank you!

  6. being the victim role by itself is also an addiction like any drug. It is easier to play the victim role because you don't want to take responsibility. I am myself getting out of playing this role that i have played my whole life. the thing is that we do it unconsciously. the first step for healing it is to be aware of it. just by doing that we are already half way towars being free.


    Seriously, thank you. This is so unbelievably true. I grew up under an abusive drunk ass father who always played the victim role, especially when I finally stood up to him and he couldn't hurt me anymore without me showing him who's really tough. I've dealt with so many of these fake victims who victimize others while myself being a legitimate victim, and I'm a target for many of them because I don't ever back down from them and can actually give it right back to them. They love to grandstand on people and then when they get stood up to by somebody like me who would throw them through a window, they play the victim.

    The drug trade is ruining the working class rowhome neighborhood where I grew up yet all you ever see mentioned is these "victim" addicts and how they need our help and bla bla bla. I'm sick of it.

  8. I like how you concluded that. It's unattractive.

  9. They are absolutely a victim. Sorry to say it folks. Yes, indeed, they are in a battle of wills and losing. They are indeed "victims" of their own doing with some help from dark forces. A poem comes to mind.
    "2 Natures beat within my chest, one is foul, the other blessed.One I love, and One I hate, And the one I feed will dominate". Yes, they are victims, its completely blurred and distorted,and irrational, but they are in a way, victims.. make no mistake.. This blurry vision is why they are blind to the very fact that they cannot identify the very one afflicting them...themselves! so they lash out in a successful attempt to destroy the one/ones who are afflicting them (in their eyes, those who love them generally), not knowing its themselves, and wondering why they are being destroyed! Its self destruction, and its demonic. Crazy huh? Its an illness for sure. And they are to be pitied, not pampered, but pitied. Offer help, and ask God to bring em to their knees. What more can you do? But I do completely agree with your outline otherwise. Its a behavioral nightmare. Other than all that, I have no opinion :-)

  10. Plato was right. Nothing outside of us is wrong with us, any of us. Our problem is within, and its sin. I dont just mean the many acts of sin, but the very condition were born with. Look at it this way, were born with a "cancer" sure to kill us..we inherit this from the fall, its true....and the side effects of that cancer are like the acts of sin (lying stealing and the list goes on). We cannot escape it with our best limited good behavior. Only Jesus Christ can heal us. "I will no wise cast out any who come to me" ~Jesus

  11. Thank you for this! We have two addicts in our family.

  12. Thank you and I am glad that you exist!


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