Looking at some blog statistics, I noticed a Google search for, "Is it God's will I become an addict?" This is something that should addressed, as my gut and my mind immediately answer a resounding "NO!"
But is there more to it?
Ironically, the worse I became, the closer I came to getting better. It's as if God was laughing every time I bought a bag of heroin, knowing that with each bag, I would get back to Him sooner than later.
So even though using drugs is an act of self-will, what about my larger blueprint?
If I had never wallowed in the dirty depths of alcoholism and opiate addiction, I'd never have the connection to God that I have now. I'd never have the spiritual tools that I have. I wouldn't have this new fullness of experience, nor would I have been witness to so many miracles. I'm also quite certain I wouldn't have the miriad of blessings that have showered my life.
If we are becoming addicts or alcoholics, or if we have already stepped over that line but are progressing very slowly, perhaps the best thing we can do is to get worse. I'm aware that sounds ridiculous, but we usually don't get better until we reach the point where we want to stop using but can't. If we are still enjoying it, there is no way we will reach out to God with all that we have inside of us. Only when we reach the point that using does nothing except prevent us from entering withdrawal will we surrender our will.
So is our addiction God's will?
I will always believe that we alone have made ourselves into addicts by our selfishness, but there is a larger and rather mystical component to the whole thing. Paradoxically, I have been given life through my 'lethal' addiction. Dare I say that I'm grateful for it?
God, teach me how to let go of my self will, that I may better do Thy will...