Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Projection

     When we engage in projection, we are in a state of delusion. Projection is when we transfer or "project" our own defects onto someone else. We accuse others of the very qualities, behaviors and attitudes that we own ourselves. So when I'm screaming at someone, or judging them, or calling them names, or ripping them apart from every angle, I should be screaming in a mirror because I'm really just talking about myself. I tend to think that when we lash out angrily at others, most of what we say is projection. Addicts, narcissists and crazy people who are incapable of assuming any responsibility for their words, thoughts and actions engage in pathological projection. I suppose it's a defense mechanism born of too much pride, shame, self-hatred and immaturity.
   
     We who project are like children who never grew up. We become ever more damaged and now live in a deluded world of our own, broken from reality and shattered to the core. I know a few crazies like this, and let me say that now I know how annoying and pathetic I once was. When my son was born, I became the object of someone's projection, and I thanked God that though I became an alcoholic, I didn't become damaged beyond repair. I never lost the capacity to be honest with myself, which, along with willingness, is the one requirement to getting better. But if I had become this damaged, my entire life would have become a joke. It would have become a waste of air, water and other precious natural resources. I would have gone through my entire life hurting others with no shame, no remorse, no accountability...

     So to my fellow addicts out there still abusing people at will, take the advice one of my guides so kindly imparted to me long ago:

     Grow up.

God, please remove my defects of character, and replace them with love...

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