Friday, July 6, 2012

Once An Addict...

     There is no such thing as making an addict into a non-addict, or making a non-recreational user into a recreational user again. There are programs out there that claim to do just that, but trust me, if you're a real addict, then your body is completely broken and you are physically screwed for the rest of your life. We will most certainly die some day with the body of an addict.

     At a meeting I used to run, guys would say to me that if doctors had some surgery or magic pill that would suddenly make me normal and able to use moderately again, I would take it. One guy yelled at me and called me a liar when I said I wouldn't even think of swallowing this magic pill. Why? Because what I have now, what I have been given as a result of my addiction, I wouldn't give up for anything. I would much rather be an addict with the spiritual life I have now than some joe zombie who, yes, may be able to drink socially with friends on the weekend, but is void of this new dimension that has cracked open in my head and my consciousness.

     My shrunken, narrow world has expanded. Anything is possible now. I can breathe and pray and suddenly my brain changes and I feel calm and at peace again. Just like that. I walk down the street sometimes and suddenly feel lifted up for no apparent reason. I can sit down at home for hours on end with no phone, music, tv, or any other distraction and feel completely content. What is that? What is that, short of a miracle, short of some new connection or access I have to GOD.

    I'd never have the inner life I have now had I not wallowed in the dirty depths of alcoholism, opiate addiction, and severe depression. So I don't have the slightest regret of becoming an addict. We addicts shouldn't be bummed out when we give up the right to do certain things, for it is a blessing. Having given up certain things, the door is now open for something else to come in... something much better, something beautiful. Because we were hopeless drug addicts, we can replace our addiction with something very powerful. Take a wild guess what that is...

God, thank you for saving my life and showering me with blessings...

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