Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Rushing Out

     Addicts shouldn't be waking up and rushing out of the door first thing in the morning. If I don't wake up and take some time to pray, breathe, be still, read some passage... the rest of my day is a total, utter disaster. The days I rush out are the days that drivers cut me off sending me into a rage, the days creditors call and accuse me of being a deadbeat, the days that I cut myself and have to turn around and drive home to bandage myself up, leaving me late and stressed out to some appointment. Those are the days that I cop resentments about everything because everything pisses me off, the days my mind starts racing again and I feel myself going nuts, the days that remind me how NOT better I really am.

     On the other hand, when I remember to wake up and stop first before speeding out of the door, the day is entirely different. It's almost like magic. I just have to remember to get grounded and connected before subjecting myself to the endless noise of the world. Trust me, addicts need peace and quiet as much as anybody. I don't care if you live in the city or in the middle of nowhere, alcoholics and drug addicts usually have a much lower tolerance for too much WORLD, if you will. We need to buckle up and tune in before we go out for the day.

     But why? Why is it that when I forget to pray in the morning does the rest of my day blow up right before my eyes? Conversely, how is it that I can better handle life and the stresses that smack me in the face when I stop and pray first? Well, I guess because prayer works if I'm not praying selfishly. But there's more to it. Stopping and praying helps me to let go. It literally changes the chemistry in my brain so that I'm not solely relying on my will and my screwed up head to guide me through the day. It allows God's will to take my hand, which helps me to instinctually know what to do next and how to do it. I realize that sounds pretty fluffy but, like anything, it's hard to understand if you haven't experienced it.

     For sure, there are two ways to get through life. One is the addict's way and it is filled with struggle, chaos and failure. We are always butting heads with something, attracting conflict and running into bad luck. Nothing really works out living life this way. And sure by exerting my will and trying to run and control my life, I may achieve great success. But am I really successful? Am I really succeeding if I am void of one, fundamental thing - peace? So it's either the addict's way (the way of the Self) or it's God's way (or whatever you want to call it. Doesn't matter.) One way is frantic. The other is much more sane and mellow.

God, help me remember to stop, be still, and listen to You before rushing out in the morning...

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