I used to think that prayer itself was a cop-out. I bristled with annoyance and superiority at sight of religious people asking God for things. 'Why don't they get off their knees and do it themselves!?' I'd hiss inside. Then in the midst of my own spiritual experience, I witnessed a miracle. Many of them. And now I get it. It's not that I'm asking God to literally perform for me. It's that before I do something, I pray first, and then the action I take is powered by God. I can also leave the outcome to God. Praying before I act is a way to alter my frame of mind, from one of self-will to one of humility. I get out of my own delusional, egotistical way and allow God to come in and help power my action but also to deal with the outcome. Needless to say, God is a much wiser and more intelligent director of my Self - my actions, thoughts and words.
It is so important for me to pray before I plow through my days like a belligerent mess. It is equally as important for me not to take credit for anything good that I do or accomplish. As well, I cannot take credit for any luck I have or blessings I may be showered with. Everything good that I would do and everything good that I have is from God and is God. Nobody will ever convince me otherwise, and my proof is in my experience before and after reaching out to Him. Before, as an active addict, or even as a sober yet untreated one, I was a Godless creature. Everything in my life was a failure. But once I let go and admitted my own powerlessness, it all changed. With God in my life, and by crediting Him for my recovery, I am finally okay.
Writing my story was a way to tell others that there is a solution, a solution not simply for drug and alcohol addiction, but for all of life. I wanted to describe my hopelessness and how unlikely it was that I recovered. More importantly, I wanted to describe the specific process I undertook that allowed me to access God and changed me forever. We don't need to struggle through each day, fighting our obsessions to drink and get high, fighting our fear and depression, fighting our feelings and thoughts. Right action and His power is truly a mystical event, and it saved me from myself, from hurting others, from death. And that is also why I wrote this blog. I was compelled to describe my experience with honesty and candor. I was compelled to not only describe my solution, but also my endless slew of failures.
My advice to addicts, alcoholics and families is to embark on a 'fearless and thorough' Step process, or just simply engage in moral/spiritual action, as this is the very thing that saved me and completely changed my life. I'd also recommend this process to the bashers and the trolls, many of whom can't even complete let alone comprehend the substance of a post. But this particular blog is simply my personal story and experience. That's all. Truth is, I love to write. That is what freedom is about, and I cherish freedom, as should we all, though its value seems to elude some. Beyond that, after nine long years and a family of my own now, I have suddenly stopped caring as much to teach people about addiction. We can't chase people around, but rather we help who we are meant to help, who God brings our way.
Finally, anyone who wants to learn about addiction, recovery, the Steps and the countless flaws and failures of conventional treatment methods should read all previous posts and pass them along to others in need.