Monday, July 27, 2015

Ten Years... Yeah, So?

     My day starts around 5:30 when my 3-year old wakes up, runs downstairs and jumps on my head, asking me if it's TV day in a loud, whiny, tired, hungry voice. After that it's non-stop until about 10:30pm when I'm finally allowed to be unconscious for a few hours. The point is that I completely spaced it was 10 years last week. Guess what I did to celebrate 10 years?

     Nothing.

     I didn't dress up and go to a meeting to collect a chip, eagerly anticipating my moment of glory as everybody clapped for me while I proudly walked up the isle. I didn't have a party with all of my friends and family to recognize the occasion.

     Why?

     Because it's not an occasion. It's not anything. Sobriety isn't an accomplishment. We don't need trophies because we finally grew up, took some responsibility, did some work and stopped acting like a garbage disposal. We don't need to announce anything.

     We need less announcing. More doing.

     The idea is to forget all about our sobriety date because we are busy living life, as opposed to sitting around, holding on by a thread, waiting to collect a sobriety chip. If we simply put one foot in front of the other and continuously take right, productive action, sooner or later we forget we were ever an addict to begin with and simply rejoin normal life where people get up, go to work, have a family, pursue some dream, whatever.

     P.S. By the way, I know so many people on psychotropics who were not mentally ill and let me tell you, now they are mentally ill! Psychotropics are poisonous. They just fuck with your brain, rewiring something that shouldn't be rewired. You can only play God so much before the shit hits the fan and some poor guinea pig goes apoplectic, has a psychotic break and brings on some death just to relieve himself.

     Look, if you want to experiment on your brain then hey, knock yourself out, but whaddaya say we leave the kids out of it, k? Is it really necessary to medicate our children to the point of catatonia because they don't want to stare at a chalkboard and be dumbed down and de-individualized all day long by some overpaid collectivist at his or her local government school.

     Give the kid a fucking paintbrush, a guitar, or a soccer ball instead, Jeez. ADD is a social disease (like so many others). Most of the R&D is funded by pharmaceutical companies and/or government grants, which should tell you all you need to know. They get the results they need. They get the results they are looking for.

Saturday, July 25, 2015

How Does One 'Smash a Moral Compass' & Get Rid of Self?

From Addicts & Alcoholics Will Suck You Dry.

Comment:

I both hate and love posts like these Charlie...they are hard for me to read but at the same time I know they are exactly what I need to hear.

Of course, the hardest part is not simply accepting that we can't let our addicts suck us dry any longer...the hardest part is actually doing something about it. I would love to "smash a moral compass" into my addict, but how on earth to do that? Letting them lose us seems like the only road to take, but it's a risky one because there is no guarantee at all that they are going to come around - for some people being "abandoned" is just going to give them an excuse to descend deeper into darkness.

These matters are so difficult. Thank you for providing guidance to us, the parents and partners, who struggle and suffer so much.


Response:

Thank you and bless you. You're right, it's certainly a tall task to smash a moral compass into an addict and one I've never seen accomplished by a non-addict/alcoholic. One of the reasons why the Steps can be so powerful and mystical is because they seem to only work when brought to us by another alcoholic or addict, as only he or she can instill the sort of confidence necessary to get through to us about the moral issue. We don't listen to non addicts. We listen to those who used and felt the way we did and then recovered.

Regarding letting go, remember that you're abandoning the addict, the addiction, as opposed to the person you love. Addicts are essentially possessed. When people use drugs and alcohol, they become vulnerable energetically and open to all sorts of evil entering the body. At any rate, sure there is no guarantee we will come around, but there is no guarantee anyway. At least by letting go you have a hand to play, as we at least suffer the consequence of losing something that perhaps we don't want to lose, i.e. you.

I know it's tough, believe me. It's confusing because addicts become so insane. Who would act in such a way? But the bottom line is this: Those of us who get better are those who deep down want to change, those of us who want to evolve and grow spiritually. Those who don't recover and commit themselves to this work simply don't want to change. 


Comment:
  
Okay Charlie, thank you. It is hard to know what to do with this information but I understand what you are saying. It's just hard when the addict is *mostly* sober and has improved the way they treat people *somewhat* - they feel they're doing an awesome job. How can I convey to them that they need to go somewhere and have a "moral compass" smashed into them? I mean they just don't get how self-centered they are...don't get it at all. My addict is not going to go to a meeting when they feel their addictions are already conquered. Even though they need the Steps like you wouldn't believe.  

Response: 

"I mean they just don't get how self-centered they are...don't get it at all."

I hear you. And the only remedy I know for this is diving head first into the 12 Step actions as they are laid out in the Big Book. I'm sure there are other methods to achieve the same goal, but for addicts and alcoholics, the Steps are by far the best remedy we have to address our two central problems: self-centeredness and spiritual sickness.

My only other suggestion is for families and spouses to engage in the Steps on their own, for their own relief, especially to utilize tools such as the 4th Step resentment inventory. Putting resentments to rest can give family members and/or spouses a tremendous amount of peace and freedom, peace that they so richly deserve. As well, prayer and meditation are both crucial.


Response: 

The other best remedy for all this stuff, for addiction and selfishness in general, is simply service. Go help people. Volunteer. Go to the soup kitchen. Help family. Help friends. Help neighbors. Serve. Anything to help others and get outside of self is the secret. That's really why the Steps work. It's ALL about the removal of self. That is the silver bullet that slays addiction, and yet, the mainstream never admits or acknowledges that. Give an addict a purpose that involves helping people and it will save them... and yes, that goes for all of them. The solution for addiction has nothing to do with pills and science. Regardless of what people think or how mad they get at me, that is the truth. The solution for addicts and alcoholics is service and honesty. God.

Working with Others 
Why Service Works 

Friday, July 24, 2015

Human Responsibility Beckons

Addicts should get better...

     ...because we have officially given up the right to drink and use.
     ...because we have maxed out how much we can take from others.
     ...because life is not about us feeling good 24/7.
     ...because it's okay to suffer a little bit. It's called being human.
     ...because the demeanor of an addict is as unattractive as it is annoying.
     ...because we are so stuffed with bullshit, we don't know where the truth ends and the lies begin.
     ...because cowardice is no recipe for worldly success, not is it an indicator of future happiness.
     ...because as human beings, we have the responsibility to act in a way we would recommend to all others.
     ...because nothing and nobody is to blame for our addiction. Addicts are self-created.
     ...because the world doesn't owe us anything.
     ...because we have become morally and spiritually destitute.
     ...because our attitude has devolved into all manner of delinquency.
     ...because there is no such thing as a "trigger."
     ...because there is no excuse for being an addict, whether genes, depression, rough childhood, you name it.
     ...because we alone made ourselves addicts and therefore we alone are responsible to get better.
     ...because we have given up the right to whine, complain, and pretend to be some sort of victim.
     ...because life is not about pathological self-focus.
     ...because when what we do begins to affects others negatively, it becomes wrong to continue doing what we are doing.
     ...because we have stopped giving a shit about anything or anybody except ourselves.
     ...because it is wrong to abuse drugs and alcohol.
     ...because we are no longer concerned about your needs, only what we need from you.
     ...because nobody likes to be around a loud, obnoxious, emaciated, sweating, lesion-covered addict who can't stop itching himself.
     ...because remaining this sick and this selfish when there is a solution is an insult to our loved ones and an insult to God.
     ...because we have no right to continue breaking our parents' hearts, our spouses' hearts or our children's hearts.
     ...because if we don't, we have spent our entire lives doing nothing, contributing nothing, becoming nothing, and wasting natural resources, not to mention robbing taxpayers. No substance abuse program, medication or therapy session should ever be subsidized. Ever. Taking money from others for something we did to ourselves by our own selfishness and stupidity is a moral crime. Haven't we already stolen enough? Haven't we spent enough time being comforted by medication? Haven't we already done enough incessant blabbing about ourselves in therapy?  

     "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle

Addicts Don't Understand Being Human 
Does Your Program Really Work?
Make It a Challenge
Courage or Cowardice?
Are You Free?