Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Sorry Folks, We Aren't Sad Little Children

Sure me might be sad, but we're also pretty selfish... oh, and by the way, everybody's sad. Nothing very novel about that. 

     All stereotypes are stereotypes because there is some truth to them, otherwise stereotypes wouldn't exist. Do you think it's a stereotype that addicts are selfish? Sure. And isn't that stereotype true? Obviously. So the fact that we attach a stigma to addiction means there is probably a good reason to attach it, like perhaps the fact that it's wrong? We attach a stigma to things that in our hearts, minds and guts just don't feel right. There is nothing normal about a drug addict wasting away after living selfishly and causing pain to so many. Addiction is twisted, so of course there is a stigma attached to it. There should be!!! And there are a million good reasons to do so.

     I am a full blown drug addict. I wasted 15 years drinking and using and let me tell you that the last thing I want in this world is to be let off the hook. "My disease" didn't steal those years from me. I stole them from myself. I wasted 15 years of my life. And I wasted them because I wanted to. I wanted to use. Addicts want to use. In fact, addicts LOVE to use. This you need to understand.     

     Many parents or spouses try to relieve their addict of responsibility because addiction is a disease (illness really, but whatever). Okay sure, it's a disease but it's a disease we give to ourselves. Nobody is born an addict, nor do we 'catch it in the air'. Also, if you blame addiction on our DNA, then you're essentially blaming yourself. Trust me, you didn't do it, so don't blame yourself. ANYBODY can become an addict by selfishly using too much, so of course we should be treated differently! Everybody knows it's wrong to use. What, are we now saying it's not wrong to use drugs???

     The rationalization is that this disease is trapping the child. What a convenient delusion that there is this sad little person inside struggling and aching from so much pain. Sure some of us are sad, but millions of non-addicts are just as sad. Everybody's sad. And sure we are all different, but the truth is that I wasn't some desperate little child. Let me tell you what my deal was in plain English:

     I LOVED DRINKING AND USING DRUGS! WITH A PASSION!

     That's all.

     Sure I was spiritually fucked, but who isn't? Kidding, but the point is that addicts are totally different than those sick beyond their control. We are not sick beyond our control. We mutated ourselves into addicts by drinking and using over and over and over until we broke our bodies. We can all become addicts, but most people don't because they refrain from drinking and using like an absolute glutton.

     It is also in our control to get better because there is a solution. Unfortunately, many addicts don't employ this solution because it actually involves work. That's right, most of us don't get better because we refuse to do the hard work consistently. Imagine that. We refuse to feel any discomfort whatsoever. We refuse to live life on life's terms.

     So even though we break our bodies and minds and acquire this disease, I don't understand why we should get off so easily, why we should be so tightly embraced and showered with love? Let me tell you something. The people who showered me with love nearly killed me. Let me clarify that. Obviously they didn't do anything to me. Killing myself was entirely my fault, but love and compassion was the absolute LAST thing I needed to get better. Sure I ran with that too, crying and playing the victim card, but that was just to use the way I wanted for as long as I could. It wasn't until someone finally called me out on my bullshit that I began to recover. The instant I started hearing what I didn't want to hear and doing what I didn't want to do was the instant I started getting better in earnest.

     Please don't be fooled by your sweet little addict. It's all bullshit. Trust me. I used to act like I was so sad and in so much pain, and guess what? It was the act of a lifetime. I was fine! I only became totally fucked inside after drinking and using for 15 years. But the truth is I just wanted to use as much as I wanted, uninterrupted, and I'll say anything to get what I want. That's what being an addict is. This new age nonsense of breaking the stigma, absconding responsibility, blaming the disease and putting our arms around the addict is simply causing us to smirk inside, knowing that we have, once again, successfully manipulated you.

     Fine disagree, but you can't disagree that having a nasty stigma associated with addiction certainty gives us a good reason NOT to be an addict, or rather, to go get better. Nobody wants to be that dirty addict everybody is repulsed by. Nobody wants to be that guy. So maybe the fact that we find addiction selfish and repulsive is a good thing.

     I know I do.